Freebies and free stuff

This is most likely dead.

1. all of the above
2. a type of lily
3. false
4. all of the above
5. false
6. tequiila
7. George Carlin
8. Partida Tequila

What is all of that above? Well, it’s the answers to this Partida Tequila quiz where you can get a free t-shirt, money clip, necklace or agave drink (whatever the heck that is!) Personally, I went with the t-shirt simply because I don’t know what the drink is, I’m not much of a necklace kinda guy, and I don’t think I’m cool enough to pull off a money clip. Well, that, and I’m like George Costanza and keep way too much stuff in my wallet!

[via the forums]

This is most likely dead.

1. all of the above
2. a type of lily
3. false
4. all of the above
5. false
6. tequiila
7. George Carlin
8. Partida Tequila

What is all of that above? Well, it’s the answers to this Partida Tequila quiz where you can get a free t-shirt, money clip, necklace or agave drink (whatever the heck that is!) Personally, I went with the t-shirt simply because I don’t know what the drink is, I’m not much of a necklace kinda guy, and I don’t think I’m cool enough to pull off a money clip. Well, that, and I’m like George Costanza and keep way too much stuff in my wallet!

[via the forums]

Oh great, a free wood skull air freshener is not what I need right now. No, don’t worry, it has nothing to do with this being an inferior freebie or anything, but instead to do with my own truck and some specific memories. You see, my mom likes to mess around with my truck and put little knick-knacks and doodads all over it. If she can find girly items, all the better in her eyes! She’ll stick stuff on my antenna, bumper, steering wheel, anywhere! So two weeks ago she found a strawberry-shortcake air freshener and decided to hide it under my seat so as to smell my truck up.

Flash forward to the next morning. She leaves for work, I’ve got the kids, and I’m getting ready to take them to school. I clamber into the cab, jostle around as we try to find space for all of our limbs without having to hang them out the window, and wrinkle our noses at the God-awful smell of fake strawberry smell. I stick the key in the ignition, turn it forward, and….nothing! My mom had left the light in the cab on after pulling her little prank and I was now stuck at home all alone with the kids for a four day weekend since I couldn’t get them to school. Thanks a lot, Mom!

[via the forums]

When I saw this free moon calendar, I honestly thought it meant a calendar that you could use to tell what day of the week it was based on the moon. Then I realized I’m an idiot. But think about how cool that would be. To go in a cave or something for a long time and then to walk out one night, look up at the sky during, and go “Oh, it’s totally March 19th. Duh.”

But I’d probably just cheat and look at my watch. Because I’m sneaky like that.

[via the forums]

Every morning I wake up and think to myself, “you know what? I think I’ll have some oatmeal this morning!” Then I shuffle my way into the kitchen and fumble my way through the cabinet to find a bowl and spoon. By this point I’ve exhausted well over half of my expendable energy and the thought of finding some oatmeal, pouring warm water on top of it, opening the microwave, waiting for it to heat up, and then eating it seems like waaaaaay too much work. So I pour a giant mug of coffee and get one step further away from a healthy diet!

So I wonder if the fact that I can get some free Coach’s oatmeal might not give me that extra boost of energy in the morning to finally eat it!

[via the forums]

My mom is going to love this offer for some free Nestle Coffee-Mate, because I’m pretty sure my family goes through this stuff faster than milk and bread combined. In fact, a few years ago, I once had a job where I had to be at work by 5am every morning, which meant that I was awake every day far before any human being should have been. In my sleepy stupor, I poured coffee-mate all over my cereal and didn’t realize it until I’d eaten at least half of it. I looked down at the cereal, then saw the coffee-mate over on the counter next to the cereal box, then glanced back at the cereal. At which point I proceeded to finish up my breakfast, because heck if I was getting back up and exerting any more effort than required!

[via the forums]

EDIT: Unfortunately, this is dead.

This offer for a coupon worth a free 32 oz. bottle of Clorox also enters you into a contest where you could win tickets to Hersheypark in Hershey, PA. So it could possibly be the best freebie ever! I actually went to Hersheypark two summers ago for the first time and let’s just say that Hundreds of Reese Cups + Roller Coasters Coasters = a very sick Goob. And yet I’d do it all over again because this time I’d at least have some Clorox in my back pocket if I needed to clean up anything.

[via the forums]

I’ve never been a big fan of cigarettes, mainly because I enjoy being able to taste my food and having clothes that smelled fresh. Although when I get a little inebriated, for some reason I start to think it’s a brilliant idea to smoke a little. I also tend to believe that I’m an excellent singer, dancer, seducer, athlete, and just about any other activity you probably don’t want to engage in while drunk. But that’s another story in and of itself. My dad’s a heavy smoker but my mom isn’t, so I know all about how a lot of smokers are forced to partake in their smoking while being banished to the backyard deck. And if you’re anything like my dad, you could use this free pocket ashtray, because he was always having trouble finding an ashtray outside in the dark. It probably didn’t help matters when I’d accidentally break them and try to cover it up by hiding all the pieces. In fact, he still probably doesn’t even know how many of those things I smashed, so how about we let this be our little secret? Come on, I don’t want to have to bribe y’all!

[via the forums]

There aren’t many other freebie blogs that I read on a daily basis, but Free Samples Direct is most certainly one of them. And it’s not even because Alissa, the cool chick who runs the site, was awesome enough to interview me a few days ago. Oh no! I actually check out FSD to find some of the freebies I post here on HIF, like this free Durex lubricant. In fact, it’s good that I’m not talking about the freebie here, because even though I have a few non-sexual stories involving lub, I don’t really think I should be sharing it on the Internet for any and everybody to read. If I did, it’d probably take a whopping 10 seconds for my phone to ring and my parents to tell me they’re disowning me since I’m so weird.

[via Free Samples Direct]

EDIT: Unfortunately, these are no longer available!

Seeing as how all the holiday leftovers are gone from my fridge, I think I might need to order these free Quaker Simple Harvest snacks. I don’t even care if they taste decent or not, I need something to eat! My pantry consists of an unopened bottle of ketchup, a half-eaten pack of crackers, and two mystery cans missing their labels and I think they’re dog food. Give me another day or two, and there’s a good chance that I open them up to find out. Thankfully it’ll be my birthday soon, so I’ll be set then!

[via the forums]