I don’t know how much longer I’m going to last, folks. I’ve always been into the Olympics, but this year I’m going all out. You know that AT&T commercial with the Michael Phelps fangirl? Yeah, that’s me right now. My average blood pressure over the past week has been 50 gazillion bpm. Some might say that’s unhealthy, but to them I say U-S-A! U-S-A! U- *kerplunk*

Sorry, I just passed out again. Can I get a free defibrillator anywhere? No? Fine, I’ll just settle for this free Stetson cologne and at least know I’ll smell good for whoever finds me passed out in front of the TV.

[via Mommy Saves Big]