Freebies and free stuff

EDIT: We Hiffed the heck out of this one.

So what are the odds that these free Ola Loa multi-vitamins cure poison ivy? Because, you guessed it, I inadvertently walked through a patch a few days back and now I’m starting to break out.

I can speak with experience that a small dose of steroids from the doctor gets rid of it quickly, but a far more cathartic method is to take a flamethrower to the woods behind your house. I’d give you more tips, but my annoying lawyer keeps yelling at me to stop typing if I want to avoid being charged with arson.

EDIT: Some people in the comments are saying they’re having trouble signing up for the sample. If you’re in that boat, try using this link instead.

If you missed out on this offer last month, then today’s your lucky day as this free Rachael Ray Nutrish dog food offer is back. In fact, you can choose to either get a free sample or a coupon for $3.50 off a 6lb. bag. I’m just thankful I didn’t have to type out “yummo” at any point while making this post. Wait a minute…dang it!

[via Liz - thanks!]

EDIT: Here’s a photo stating that you’ll get the freebie. Furthermore, I botched the code initially, but have corrected it below.

When signing up for this free Boscia Moisturizer, use the code “alluring” and they’ll send you a travel-sized sample. Personally, I don’t even care about the freebie at this point. I had enough fun just signing up for it!

I love it when freebies ask for a certain phrase or code. It makes me feel like I’m joining a shadowy organization. For years, I used to try and find secret club members by walking around and asking odd questions to strangers, such as “where does the Eagle store her peanut butter?” or “what is the best way to lasso the moon?” Unfortunately, the only thing I gained access to was a free session with a government psychologist.

EDIT: They’re now out of subscriptions.

I wasn’t sure if this free Ode magazine subscription was worth signing up for, so I went to their website to see what type of articles they usually publish. That’s when I saw their tagline was “For Intelligent Optimists.” Whatever. I doubt this magazine will even come. I’ll sign up for it and then the magic faeries who deliver my mail will steal it or the dragon who lives in my mailbox will eat it.

Remember the coupon from last week for the free Mars chocolate candy? If you don’t, you might want to go see a doctor. It was one of the best freebies we’ve had this week, how could you have forgotten about it already? Well anyway, it’s back up and running.

Eagle-eye Hiffer Steve actually sent me an e-mail this week pointing out that this offer is going to be every Friday from now throughout the summer. You’re limited to one coupon per week and once you’ve gotten four coupons sent to your home, that’s it for you. Unless you have a work address. Or a treehouse. Heck, just stick a cardboard box next to your current mailbox and write 123 1/2 Main Street on it. I’m sure it’ll work.

Yahoo (?!) is giving away free popcorn on a first come, first serve basis, but there’s no word on how long their supplies might last seeing as I have no contact with them. I haven’t seen this offer on many other freebie sites yet though, so you might want to sign up while you still can.

Go! Now! Stop reading this, I tell you, and register for your free popcorn. For the love of all that’s Holy, what you are still doing here? Let me guess, you were the kid in school who ate paint no matter how much your teacher protested, huh? I knew it.

Any time I see something called body butter, such as this free Hawaiian Tropic sample from Walmart, I can’t help but laugh as I remember the Seinfeld episode where Kramer falls asleep in the sun with butter on his skin and basically cooks himself. I haven’t seen that episode in years and yet I’m still giggling just thinking about it.

Also, is it just me, or has Walmart upped the number of freebies they’ve been giving away lately? Major kudos are in order. I say we begin a slow, dramatic clap in their honor. Here, I’ll get the ball rolling.

*clap…clap…clap…clap*

EDIT: Wow. That didn’t last very long. Try this link from last September instead, as it’s still working.

EDIT 2: I’ve replaced the link below with yet another one that should be working.

Walmart gave away some of these free Always Infinity pads a few months back, but this is a new link so it should allow you to sign up for a second freebie. I’ve sat here for ten minutes trying to think of something witty, but I can’t focus since my dogs have been barking the entire time. Either they feel threatened by the rustling trees outside or this is the first stage in the inevitable coup d’état I know they’re planning.

EDIT: All samples are gone now!

In order to get this free Purina Fancy Feast or Beggin’ Strips, simply click the blue bar at the top of their page that says “give your pet a taste of Purina.” (if you have any ad-blocking software, you’ll have to disable it in order to see the banner.)

So if you have a cat and a dog, how do you decide which freebie to get? I tried explaining to my pets that they needed to fight in a Battle Royale to see which would prevail and be worthy of the freebie. Unfortunately, my cat just looked at me and then my dog started licking herself. I’m not sure those English lessons I’ve been paying for are working.

EDIT: This is no longer available.

This free Kellogg’s All-Bran Promise Pack comes with:

• 1 sample of Strawberry Medley Cereal
• 1 Strawberry Drizzle Fiber Bar
• 1 Red Raspberry Fiber Drink Mix

So it’s three freebies in one! Although, I’d like to ask, what kind of promise is being made here? That my freebies will come in a pack? That I’ll actually enjoy the freebies? I think somebody at Kellogg’s is throwing around this “promise” word a little too loosely.