Freebies and free stuff

I come across dozens of fake freebies every day. 99.99% of them quickly die, but like a crazy ex, some hang around and simply refuse to go away. Case in point, the “free Snuggie” offer that popped up in October. I still get an e-mail or two each day suggesting I post it, and while I hate to be the bearer of bad news, there’s no way it’s coming.

However, I thought I could use it to show how I vet freebies when I’m unable to contact the freebie company directly. So if you’re interested in learning more about the process as well as following along while I hunt down who exactly is behind this spreebie (I just made that word up), then please read along. Warning, it’s fairly lengthy.

Let’s review this spam offer!

EDIT: We Hiffed it.

Geez, it’s already 2:30?! That’s what happens when I get engrossed in working on something new – I completely lose track of time! I feel bad for my future children. Getting stranded at baseball practice or spending the night at school will definitely be a regular occurrence for them. I’ll be sure to save this free Seventh Generation hand and dish soap and let them squirt it in my eyes for revenge.

Be sure to print out the $1 coupon as well if you like Seventh Generation soap.

If you’re heading to Target during Black Friday, you might want to print out this coupon for a free medium soda at Target cafes. Nothing makes me thirsty quite like shopping! Well, that, and exercising. Hey, stop laughing. I work out all the time! Playing xbox live and sitting in front of a computer all day counts, right?

The coupon is only valid on November 27 and 28, so make sure you don’t try to use it until then.

[via Briann - thanks!]

Amazon is offering three free mp3s if you use the code MP34FREE. Unlike the free CMA song they offered a few weeks ago, this doesn’t appear to have any limitations on the songs you can choose. Looks like my iPod is about to get three new Hannah Montana songs!

[via Ben - thanks!]

EDIT #3: Now it’s dead again.

I’ve never tried this free Millstone coffee from Walmart before, but it looks delicious. I assume it comes with pie and ice cream as well, since both are on the labels. Plus, I think I spot the Eiffel Tower in the background on the right, so pack your bags. We’re going to Paris! Finally, I get to meet some Hiffers!

I should have known that free Slippery Stuff gel was a personal lubricant, but no. For some reason I read the word gel as glue. That led me to trying to imagine why you’d every want slippery glue, which finally brought me to messaging a friend and asking what she thought about it. Her response?

Goob, you’re a moron. G. E. L.

Ohhhh. Okay, that makes a little more sense.

It’s easy to complain about calendar freebies that never come, but I feel pretty good about this free Oriental Trading 2010 calendar. Why? Because I’m looking at their 2009 calendar right now! It was one of the few that came last year and I’ve currently got it hanging on my wall. It could honestly double as an “I Spy” book, because each month’s picture is a smorgasbord of little trinkets and goodies. It’s easy to just stare at the image and …

… huh? Where’d the last hour go?

This free Mueller’s Meal Planner comes with 60 recipes and a batch of coupons, but it’s only available in 14 east coast states. That certainly stinks, but it’s the best freebie I can find right now! That was supposed to be a subtle hint to any marketing executives who read HIF, but now that I’ve typed this sentence out, it’s not so subtle anymore. It’s kind of right in their face. It’s almost as if I spray painted “we’d like more freebies, please” onto their monitor.

Be right back, I’m gonna go rummage through the garage for my paint cans.

There are two good in-store freebie events this weekend, both of which look like fun but aren’t available to me as an adult. Stupid mother nature and her cruel “aging” process.

Lowe’s Build & Grow is holding their next clinic on Saturday, Nov. 21 from 10-11am where they’ll let kids build a free snowman. As usual, register in advance if you think you’ll attend, as space & supplies are limited.

Next, Borders is hosting a free Polar Express Pajama Party on Saturday from 11am-1pm! If your local store is participating and near a Lowe’s, you could go straight from one freebie event to the next. They’ll have a storytime with The Polar Express, holiday carols, and raffle / giveaways.

Kodak just sent me an e-mail saying that new members can get 50 free 4×6 prints. I personally am photoed out and have nothing left to print. It’s probably because I only take around one photo every eight months. My life’s just not that interesting!

“Ohh, here I am sitting in front of a computer. And look, here’s me blogging about something. Hey, I had almost forgotten about the time I went to a random website and then watched a funny video! Good times, good times…”

I doesn’t look like shipping is included, but with Christmas right around the corner, I’m going to be posting any purchase-related freebie I find since so many people buy photo albums for presents and whatnot.