Freebies and free stuff

If you’re never played the game Portal, you’re really missing out. It’s a crazy game that … I don’t even know how to explain it. The object is to get from room to room and your only weapon is a little gun that zap you around. Okay, that makes it sound stupid, but trust me when I say it’s one of the better puzzle games out there.

Making it even better is that from now until May 24, you can download it onto your PC or Mac for free via Steam. The download is fairly large, so you might want to start it before you go to bed.

[thanks Allyson!]

We’re almost halfway through May and do you know what I’ve forgotten to post? This month’s free Hot Prints photo book offer! I’ve gotten two of these so far and while they’re not the absolute best quality, they’re nice to have as little keepsakes.

I made one last month with pictures of me making crazy faces. The final page says “now turn around” and when the person reading it does, I’m right there making a creepy face to scare them. It’s the perfect way to cap off a lovely date night!

EDIT #2: They’ve given away all 100,00 samples, but you can get a $1/1 coupon if you missed out.

Note that this offer doesn’t go live until tomorrow, May 13, but I wanted to give everybody the heads up now because it’ll be a first come, first serve freebie. Suave is giving away 100,000 free bottles of shampoo tomorrow for … well, I don’t really know why. Maybe they’re bored. I do crazy things when I get bored too, like wear mismatching socks and eat PB&J sandwiches cut into triangles instead of squares. Whoa, just thinking about all that excitement is getting me lightheaded.

If you need your freebie fix now, take a short survey then print a free $.50/1 Suave Naturals body wash coupon.

I admit, I didn’t realize at first these free child safety tattoos were temporary. I kept staring at that little girl’s hand and thinking “her childhood phone number will still be on her hand when she’s 40…”

Let this be a lesson to all the new Hiffers who recently came on board: I can be slow sometimes. If I ever visit your home, make sure to put away all sharp objects and only speak using words of two syllables or less.

EDIT #2: And it looks like this is back up!

I just realized that products like this free eb5 anti-aging facial cream are the closest things we have to time machines. Growing up, I must have imagined my first trip in a time machine a million times and never once did it involve me smearing goop all over my face.

[thanks to everybody who sent this in!]

The only reason these 20 free Kodak Gallery photo card announcements with envelopes (worth $17.98) fall under the deals section is because you have to pay $3 shipping. The special is meant to be for birth announcements, but you can upload any photos you want. Announce that your child managed to graduate from school or that you finally baked a homemade loaf of bread without having the fire department show up. Go crazy and have fun with it before 5/31.

As a bonus, new Kodak Gallery members also get 50 free photo prints.

[thanks Hip 2 Save!]

If you like them on Facebook, you can get a free NeilMed Sinus Rinse bottle kit. Now knowing what this was, I turned to their Facebook wall to investigate and found people mentioning how great it is at rinsing out their sinuses. Huh. Go figure.

Seriously though, the reviews I found online were all generally high. And heck, while you’re there, you know to like HIF on Facebook, right? I won’t send you any sinus spray, but I will send you poorly constructed jokes and updates on my napping habits! Over 28,000 fellow Hiffers seem to enjoy it so far.

Super secret ultra bonus points go to those who like me on Facebook as well. Since I can’t add everybody to my personal account, I created a public group for myself. I know, how humble! Think of it as a place where instead of making fun of freebies, I make fun of myself and random things I find online. Fun times.

Today has been rather hectic, so you can imagine how happy I was to find this free Native Flutes For Relaxation album from Amazon. A freebie and something that can instantly calm me down? Yes please. If we could throw some free beer into the mix, I’d be in Freebie Heaven.

Let’s try this again. The free Lane Bryant Cacique panties offer is back and valid through May 19. You don’t even need a coupon this time – just stop into any Lane Bryant, Lane Bryant Outlet, or Cacique store and ask for a pair.

Of course, you might want to call ahead first to make sure they have some in stock. There’s nothing worse than moaning in public that somebody won’t give you any free panties. Trust me, I got…I mean, you’ll get a lot of weird looks.

EDIT #3: And it’s dead for the second time today.

Walmart caps off the freebie trifecta with free Dove Ultimate Beauty deodorant. I’ve spent three hours thinking about body products this morning. I don’t think I’ve spent three hours total before today. I’m the type of guy who shops for hygiene products as if zombies were chasing me. Run in, grab the first bottle I see, and lob a few at anyone else standing in the aisle with me.

You know, just in case they’re actually a zombie. I haven’t been right yet, but I have been banned from over a dozen local stores!

[thanks Christy!]