Freebies and free stuff

I guess Goob and I both have been dense if we’ve missed National Bowling Week the past few years. And especially with this free game of bowling on August 6th for World Record Day? Well, you could say that we both struck out.

But that would be the wrong sport…

This free Purina Beneful WagPack dog food from Walmart is the 4th freebie I’ve posted today that will go out in tomorrow’s newsletter. It’s almost as if I’ve already done my work for tomorrow. Wait, that would mean … I can sleep in! Ah, the joys of having nothing better to do tonight so I just kept working.

Also, kuddos to whoever named this product WagPack. Something about that makes me laugh.

I couldn’t tell you what in the world gluten looks or tastes like, but I know it’s in everything I enjoy eating. I have friends who are allergic to it and going out to eat with them is like going to the park with somebody allergic to sunshine and fresh air. It’s gotta be tough on them, but now they can at least get a free NoGii gluten free energy bar.

I think this is a product from that lady from The View. Blondie Whatsherface. I know, I know, I’m like the reincarnation of Edward R. Murrow with my hard hitting research and reporting.

Walmart just released an offer for free John Frieda Root Awakening shampoo. This only reminds me that I won’t have to buy shampoo for months once I finally regrow my hair. I just wish other freebies worked like that. One day I could stop eating and then, BAM, three months later I have an appetite and a cabinet full of freebies.

Did you know it’s National Catfish Month? Here I was thinking August was National Sweat Your Face Off Month. In celebration of the true Month, we can all get a free catfish cookbook from The Catfish Institute.

And yes, The Catfish Institute is real. I did not make that up. The Catfish Institute. An institue for all your catfish related needs.

Did I almost gloss over this offer for free Post-it Durable Tabs and Storage Container Labels because I assumed it was the same Post-it freebie I posted (I feel like I’m saying “post” too much) last week? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not admitting to anything and there’s nothing you can prove!

Okay, okay, stop staring at me. I confess, I did. Can I go home now?

[thanks to everyone who sent this in!]

There are only 400 winners each day in Dove Chocolate’s new instant win game, but Hiffers tend to have amazing luck when it comes to these types of freebies. The Nerdburgers among us might point out it has something to do with the overwhelming number of us and how that skews statistical odds in our favor, but to that I say “booooo for using math.” Nobody likes math.

The “game” lasts through 12/17/11 and you can play once a day, so there are plenty of opportunities to win something. There’s no purchase necessary – when it asks for a UPC, click on “Don’t have a UPC Code?” Good luck!

EDIT: This should be dead now.

For today only, August 4, there will be 5,000 coupons for free Freschetta pizza given away every half hour until 4pm est. That means there should be another, what, 35,000 coupons? I think that’s right. Obviously these are going to go lightning fast. It’ll most likely be luck of the draw, but if you’re tied to a computer all day anyway, might as well try your luck.

In the mean time, you can watch a live video on their site by some guy who loves pizza. How do you get a job like that? This seems like something I’d be perfect for. I stand around talking to an invisible audience about pizza all the time and I’ve never been paid a dime for it. Is there an equivalent for freebies? I could do that too!

Oh no. No, no, no. As soon as I saw this printable coupon for free Activia Selects yogurt, I instantly had their horrible jingle stuck in my head. I hate that thing. It’s bad enough listening to that guitar riff without Jamie Lee Curtis talking about pooping. But the nails on a chalkboard moment for me is when some random female sings “Actvia” at the end. That’s all I can hear right now. I think I need help.

They’ll email the coupon eventually. Void in LA, NJ, and CA. I have no idea why.

Oh, hey, it’s yet another free $35 Home Made Simple coupon book. If I had a nickel for every time this was available … well, I’d probably have like $0.80. I guess that’s not so impressive.