Freebies and free stuff

EDIT: Looks like they’ve killed the link.

A lot of freebie have been quickly dying lately. This free Tom’s of Maine Silly Strawberry toothpaste will most likely keep that trend alive. If that ends up being the case, feel free to punch anybody named Tom in Maine. Or South Carolina.

Fine, what I’m really hinting at is I want more strangers walking up and punching my brother Tom.

Copy and paste the link below:

http://www.startsampling.com/sm/tomsstrawberry102021/captureAddress.iphtml?item=102021&source=ba-facebookad

This free Hugo Boss fragrance got me thinking about Who’s The Boss and long story short I’m wondering what Tony Danza smells like. No, uh, I meant Alyssa Milano!

Phew, good save Goob. That was a close one.

I don’t know who Rick Steves is, but I figure he’s some long lost relative of Rick James. You know, the whole “two first name” thing.

So maybe when I get this free Rick Steves DVD and 2012 Tour Calendar, I’ll know who he is and where to find him. And if he wrote that song “Superfreak” after-all…

So when you “like” them on Facebook, you end up with a free NRG-X Sport supplement sample. Does that mean anything I “like” on Facebook I’ll get a free sample of? If so, I’ll have to like a farm so I can get a free pony. Ponys are cool.

EDIT: You can download a .pdf file, but they’ve run out of traditional samples.

Sometimes, I can’t believe the freebies that are out there. Take these free zombie posters from the CDC. Yes. THE CDC. I don’t know what’s cooler: the fact that our government has created and released these posters, or the fact that they have a whole page of their website dedicated to the zombie apocalypse.

The only downside to this freebie, other than the fact of our own government acknowledging the upcoming zombie apocalypse and declaring subtly to beware? The fact that it’ll take 4-6 weeks to arrive, so it won’t be here in time for Halloween. I mean, sure, I can download and print them, but that wouldn’t be my tax dollars at work!

I won’t forget the one April Fools year that my mother used food coloring to make the eggs red and the milk blue. I wouldn’t touch the stuff for days afterwards, even at the normal colors.

So maybe that’s why I feel so strangely about stopping by a participating location to get a free sample of Pink Pizza from Marble Slab on 10/24 from 3-6pm (whew, that was a long hyperlink). I mean, Pink Pizza? I don’t care if its ice cream, it just doesn’t sound right to me…

EDIT: Maggie Moo’s is also offering a freebie from 3-6 today!

When I read that I could get a free golden waffle at Huddle House on 10/24 for liking them on Facebook, I wondered where the golden waffle originated from. Was it a leftover from Goldfinger and the villian’s secret waffle stash?

Because when you think about it, a waffle has to be far more evil than a pancake. Its crusty, with hidden nooks and crannies. A pancake? It just sort of lays there. Like my fat cat.

While these free Kotex Natural Balance Liners might require a Costco membership number, they don’t require any balanced coloring between the lines like the name might naturally suggest. That’s a good thing, seeing I failed that topic back in kindergarten.

I wonder if I could pass off my cat as a dog. He follows me around, begs for treats, and rolls over on command. Maybe I could say he’s a dog, but probably not a real dog, so he wouldn’t qualify for this free Alpo Real Dog Kit, when you “like” Alpo on Facebook. Even still, I might just have to train my furry orange friend to bark on command next…

There would have been a time that I would have really wanted this free “How Do I Become President?” poster. Now? I’m looking for the “How Do I Become Supreme Dictator of the World?” poster.

What can I say? I’ve grown up and just simply stopped underachieving.