Freebies and free stuff

Quick, everybody raise your hands if you’re still driving a vehicle that threatens to fall apart whenever you go over 50 MPH! … Sorry, I stopped typing for a few minutes there because both of my arms shot up. Maybe I’ll never own a fast sports car, but at least I can pretend I’m driving one once I slap these free Ferrari stickers all over my car. I’ll just tell people it’s a rare model that Ferrari doesn’t make anymore before rich people didn’t like all the backfiring and strange noises coming from the engine.

Here’s a coupon for some free popcorn at any AMC IMAX theater (clicking the link will download the coupon, then you need to print it). In addition, here’s a fun analogy problem that I think needs to be solved.

IMAX movie screen : regular movie screen ::

A) giant free popcorn : regular sized popcorn (woo hoo!)
B) regular free popcorn : regular sized popcorn (woo)
C) comically small free popcorn: regular sized popcorn (booo)

Come on, A! I’m sure I did that analogy wrong as well, but it’s been over nine years since I took the SAT. And eight years since I took it again. And again. And again… Go public schools!

I think Adam and I do a fairly good job at keeping HIF as unbiased as possible, whether it comes to politics, religion, or ice cream flavor preferences. (vanilla! woo!) But how can I pass over on posting these free Christmas songs? They’re perfect for getting you into the “holiday mood” if you ask me. Heck, I just love Christmas - music, tacky decorations, and all. Too bad they don’t have Little Drummer Boy, because that’s by far the best Christmas song ever.

The songs themselves are basically a modern version of all the classics. You can preview them before downloading them and once you know which ones you want, just right click on the down arrows next to each song and select “save as.” Pick where you want to save the songs on your computer and then the download will start!

[via Aubrey - thanks!]

I’m starting to run out space to place all the free stickers I’ve gotten over the years, but I had to sign up for this free No Fear stickers offer when I noticed it also entered you into a contest to win a $500 giftcard for their website. I don’t even think I know what No Fear clothes are, but as long as they have sleeves on the shirts and pockets in the pants, I think I’ll be good to go. My wardrobe could really go for an overhaul anyway: I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to be wearing Ghostbusters underwear or Ninja Turtles pajamas anymore.

[via Rebecca - thanks!]

At the end of this free Lacoste Pink Perfume for women form, there’s an option to send a sample to your friend. But I must confess, I know little to nothing about women and am always perplexed by them. What would happen if a chick sent this to a friend and then the next time they saw each other, they both happened to be wearing it? Would they react the way my ex did when she noticed some other girl had the same dress as her at a party?

I’m still not sure I understand what the problem was, but I do recall an amazing cat fight followed by a graceful exit through the bathroom window!

[via Gena - thanks!]

I’ve been working on a new, secret project recently and I probably could have used something similar to this free Boker’s mini calendar to help keep track of the days. I kept saying to myself that I’d have it ready within a few days and then it was Thanksgiving and now it’s Dec. 6th and I’m sitting here wondering how in the world I’ve been working on it for three or four weeks! If I lived back in the olden days, I would have been the guy who came around every winter asking if you had some extra corn because I forgot to plant my harvest.

I like this old school free Orient Watch key chain that goes around your neck. I used to have something similar to this in college since I was always losing my keys. I figured if I couldn’t remember that they were hanging around my neck, I didn’t deserve to go inside. And I have to say, for the most part it worked! I only spent three, maybe four nights sleeping on the fire escape!

I have no idea how this free ID Lubricant doesn’t perplex other people. Why name it ID? Is it supposed to carry your personal information for you in addition to it’s other main purpose? You know, call me crazy, but I think that’s what a driver’s license is for.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m no longer accepting applications for the writing positions and will be e-mailing everybody who sent in something this weekend. Man, that was a horrendous segue.

[via Rebecca - thanks!]

If you sign up for the Arby’s Extra club, they’ll send you a printable coupon within 24 hours for a free Arby’s Mint Shake. I signed up for this yesterday afternoon and had the coupon e-mailed to me this morning, so I wouldn’t count on using this the day you sign up. I initially thought I’d wait until the weather warmed up before I used the coupon, but then I remember I have the patience of a two year old and got it today after lunch

[via Sue - thanks!]

Seeing as how my family tries it’s best to emulate Doctor Doolittle, I should probably get one of these free pet rescue stickers so that none of them are left behind in an emergency. I plan on putting a HeyItsFree.net sticker next to this with a little drawing of me slumped over my computer drooling and sleeping. Because let’s face it, if there’s an emergency, I’m probably going to need to be rescued as well!

[via Rebecca - thanks!]

Call me crazy, but this free Baby Phat perfume is right on the money. I know whenever I think of baby fat, my next thought is always “man, that stuff sure does smell good! Somebody should make a perfume out of it or something!” Just imagine what kind of world we’ll soon be living in now that my ideas are finally starting to come to fruition!*

* Goob does not guarantee that this new world will be fun for anybody but himself. Enter said world at your own risk and make sure to bring a jetpack - you’ll understand when you get there. Those who are pregnant, elderly, or afraid of zombies need not enter.

[via Rebecca - thanks!]

I could have sworn I’d already posted this free TNT Fireworks Club offer because I distinctly remember getting this over a year ago, but I guess I never did. I’ve even still got one of the stickers on my old laptop. There’s also a poster, magnet, and some tattoos that come with this, but no fireworks unfortunately. I was looking forward to getting a stick of TNT and blowing something up like they do in the cartoons.

[via Kelly - thanks!]

EDIT: We Hiffed it, folks!

Oprah was giving away some of these free Murad Resurgance samples last July, so you know they’ve got to be pretty good. In fact, their site boasts it’s “clinically proven to increase skin’s firmness by up to 42% within 10 minutes.” Now, what if I use triple the recommended dose? Will my skin become so firm it’s impenetrable? Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is to become a super villain hero and take over the world take over the world!

Wait a minute, doh!

[via Crissy - thanks!]

I’ve done it, ladies! The search for mascara is over! You’ll never, ever need to buy another brand or try another version, because this free Mary Kay Signature Ultimate mascara says it all. It’s the ultimate mascara! How could you beat that? I think the only brand that could top this would be something like the Universe’s Most Awesome mascara and trust me, if there was something called that, I would know about it.

Wait a minute, that makes it sound like I buy mascara on a regular basis. Crap…

[via Terrie - thanks!]

Unfortunately this free Nylon magazine subscription looks like it’s aimed at a teenage female demographic, but who am I kidding, I’ll read anything in the morning while I’m eating my cereal. I’ve already read the box about a million times and then got so bored that I started looking up what all the weird vitamins were. Right around the time I googled “riboflavin” was when I spilled milk all over the laptop, so fingers crossed this magazine gets here soon.

(I’m home from my Thanksgiving holiday now, so back to the regular schedule. I’ve also gone through most of the applications for another writer and will be contacting people shortly!)

[via Crystal - thanks!]