Hey, It’s Free!

EDIT: Deadinated

This free Gillette shampoo is marketed as being made for men, which is about darn time. I’m tired of my hair smelling like apples and cumquats. Why must every girly shampoo smell like a fruit?

But now I’m getting confused. The marketing for this freebie talks about getting rid of dirt and grim. Is this supposed to be used to wash my hair or an engine block? Maybe both?

[via Froggie]

Not only can you get a free Huge Boss fragrance sample, but you can send a sample to your friend as well. In fact, maybe you’ll want to send a sample to your “friend” next door whom you’ve never spoken to. Then when your sample comes in the mail, you might stroll over and take out the sample you sent to your friend.

Of course, I’m pretty sure that’s breaking a few federal laws, so you probably won’t want to do that. But hey, it’s still an idea for those of you who like to live on the edge!

[via the forums]

EDIT2: Call the mortician!

EDIT: Apparently this is a contest and they’re only giving away 300 of these. My bad, folks. Apparently I can’t read today.

According to Johnson’s free Melt Away Stress lotion, the solution for too much stress is getting so hot it melts away. No wonder people on tropical islands are always so laid back and relaxed.

EDIT: This is no longer available.

Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you as a concerned member of the freebie world. I’m no business executive, but I do know that in order to stay up and running, most companies need to sell various products for profit. With that in mind, I ask how in the world is Dove still operating? Every time I turn around, they’re giving away endless amounts of samples, like the free Dove Pro-Age lotion.

But it’s not just the fact that Dove is giving away countless freebies. There’s the trend in product names. Pro-age? Isn’t lotion supposed to be anti-age? Is the name supposed to be ironic? Is this a joke I’m not getting?

Some people might think I run a freebie website and develop relationships with the companies so that I can get even more free samples. Heck no! I just want their e-mail addresses so I can ask them what the heck their product names mean.

[via Nick]

What does the SciFi channel and Degree for Men deodorant have in common? I have no idea. Maybe they both enjoy creating websites that force even the newest of computers to stop everything it’s doing in an effort to load it. My computer almost ate itself trying to process that freaking page - I honestly thought it was going to catch on fire. I really like this computer and it’s expensive, so I got pretty worried and even started sweating a little.

I…wait a minute…Ooooooooooh, they’re good!

[via the forums]

I get the image of a chick running on this free Playtex sport page, but I’m a little baffled by the next one of her shopping. Is shopping a sport to women? You know, that might explain a lot. I enjoy the company of a woman who appreciates sports, but now I’m gonna have to rethink that position.

How about this new rule of thumb: If an activity involves trying on more than two pairs of outfits, it’s not a sport. Can we all agree to this? Oh, and here’s a secondary page for when the Wal Mart offer dies soon.

EDIT: Guess what’s wrong with this freebie now. I’ll give you a clue. It rhymes with “bed.”

Every minute I waste typing up a description for this free Biore Daily Recharging sample is a minute closer to Wal Mart killing it, so I’ll shut up now and let everybody get to, uh, recharging?

Wait, this product is called “Daily Recharging?” Isn’t that what sleep is for? Sorry, I forgot that I promised to be quiet.

EDIT: Oprah doesn’t want to help you stay young and beautiful anymore

Apparently Oprah is getting into the on-line freebie business, as the free Suze Orman book below came from her as did this free Murad Resurgence sample. Now, I love books and goop to smear on my skin, but I could really use a new car, Oprah. Hint, hint. You see what I’m saying here? I need a new car!

Hopefully she gets the message. Now it’s time to sit back and wait for the best freebie ever.

I think there are more freebies aimed at women than there are at men, case in point this free Ponds towelette for makeup removal. I’m seriously considering becoming a drag queen simply so I can use a higher percentage of the freebies I find.

[via the forums]

I’m not sure if this free GOJO hand cleaner is a Canadian freebie only, but it accepted my US mailing address so I guess we’ll see. I remember my dad always kept something similar to this in the garage (heck, it might actually have been this stuff!) and it will take ANYTHING off your hands. It really smells like citrus as well, to the point where it seems like you’re just rubbing a smashed up orange all over your hand. You know, if fruit prices weren’t so high, I’d go get my hands dirty and see if a smashed up orange would clean them. Instead, I’m just gonna eat it and be thankful I held off scurvy for another day.

EDIT: All gone!

Okay, go to the webpage for this free Garnier Nutritioniste Skin Renew and look at the main photo for it. Now, I’m no licensed medical professional or photo expert, but I still feel confident in saying that if you take a photo of yourself and it shows that you’re gray and while with invisible black dots under normal conditions, well…I’m not sure what you need is a freebie. If that were me, I’d be making an appointment with my doctor and when the receptionist asked why I was coming in, I’d tell her it’s because I’m turning into a space mutant.

I received an e-mail from Diane this week offering to give away some of her free Luxurious Mineral™ makeup. Simply go to her site and e-mail her via the “contact” link with your home address and she’ll send you a free sample of the makeup. I wish I could say more about the makeup, but I have to be honest, my knowledge in this area stops right after the fact that lipstick goes on your lips.

I learned that lesson the hard way as a kid after I once (true story) at an entire tube of my mom’s lipstick after thinking it was a lollipop. I’ve still yet to figure out why I didn’t stop eating it after I realized it didn’t taste like a lollipop though.

I’ve come to believe that whenever Wal Mart opens up a new freebie offer, like they have with this free Pantene Pro-V Expressions, that we need some sort of alert system for people to learn about it before it dies. I say we just use the Emergency Broadcast System, because ever since I was a little boy, I’ve waited for it to go off and NOT be a test.

The only way this can happen without a massive national disaster is if we commander it in the name of Freebies. Come on, who would complain about this? People would see it going off, think aliens are zombies were attacking us, and then feel relieved and overcome with joy that it’s only a freebie alert. There’s gotta be some way we can make this happen.

[via Cara]

Why does the logo for this free Vaseline Men from Wal Mart have a giant fist behind the products? Is it trying to punch them off the screen? Is it meant to signify strength and manliness? Whatever they were going for, I think they failed, because now I’m worried that if I use this product somebody will punch me in the face. Way to go, Vaseline!

[via the forums that are now totally awesome / up and running.]

P.S. Anybody know how to fix a water heater, dishwasher, ice machine, air conditioner, or sliding glass door? Apparently my house is under that impression that I’m handy with a toolbox, which is wrong in about 9 trillion different ways.

I’ve been working on the forums for the past 24 hours (seemingly straight…) and I figured it was time to take a break and find a few freebies. So I went over to the forums to see what’s new and…wow. In a mere 30 seconds, I had forgotten that there wouldn’t be anything new on the forums. It reminded me of that hilarious bit by comedian Dave Mordal about the power being out and trying to turn on all the lights. I can’t find the video of it anywhere, but here’s an audio clip of it.

Oh yeah, the freebie. Here’s a new product being given away called Flixsticks. Looks good to me.