Freebies and free stuff

Free General Snus Swedish Smokeless Tobacco – Same great cancer causing product without all the pesky smoke! I’m just bitter, because half of my family smokes. If your state laws don’t prohibit it, they’ll send you three trials of Dry Mini Mint, Wintergreen Portion, White Portion and Original Portion – so…hope you like portions.

It feels odd putting this in Health / Fitness, but what other category better suits it?

I hate to be a grammar Nazi, but I think somebody needs to point out that this free Zunspot sun spot remover is spelled wrong. That great big ball of fire in the sky is actually spelled S-U-N. I can understand how the typo occurred in the first place, what with the S and Z keys being right next to each other, but geez…you’d think somebody would have caught the mistake by now!

EDIT: Arg, they’ve removed the option to get a freebie.

I certainly hope these free Drinkables Liquid Supplements are in fact liquid. Have you ever tried drinking something that’s not in liquid form? It’s so hard! First you can’t force it down, then you start to get a dry mouth. And the choking! Don’t get me started on the choking.

Also, I think the comments are working properly again. And hey, it only took four hours of my weekend to fix! *grumbles under his breath like a crusty, old man*

TripleFlex used to give out these free TripleFlex Liquid Softgels directly from their own site, but now they’ve handed over the reigns to Walmart. I can’t applaud this move enough, because I’m all for letting other people do things for me. I like to delegate, if you will. Why just this morning I let my neighbor wake me up at 5 am with her loud music instead of forcing my body to awaken on its own at a reasonable hour! What can I say, I’m just a naturally born leader.

These free Sundiwear stickers are pretty darn cool. You wear them outside and then they turn red after a certain amount of sunlight has hit them, thus letting you know it’s probably time to seek out shade or sunscreen. Too bad these things weren’t around when I was kid as I have a feeling they’re a bit more helpful than the method I always used. I’d spend a day outside playing with my friends and then wake up the next morning and go “huh, I got sunburned!”

[via Laurie - thanks!]

EDIT: Their site is having “technical difficulties” at the moment. Too bad they don’t have a bandage for that.

Only a limited number of people can sign up for these two free Nexcare bandages each day, but it’s currently active. I’m always mystified by band aid shapes. Some are circles, others are rectangular, while these are….uh, diamonfied? Diamondoids? Diamondly? Whatever. I just want to know if companies research effective shapes for wounds on different parts of the body. If so, how do they even test that? Simply by hoping their test subjects get hurt in the right place or do they actually slice them open in the lab? And who would sign up for that?!

It doesn’t really matter though, as all of these questions should be moot by now. It’s 2009 and I’m still waiting on my robotic appendages. When I get a paper cut, I don’t want a weenie bandage – I want the finger surgically removed in favor of an indestructible replacement. I don’t think I’m being too demanding here.

EDIT: No longer available

My associates laugh at how prepared I am. Not only do I carry two black pens, a sharpie, a red pen, a notepad, a mini planner, and hand sanitizer on the sales floor every day at work, I seem to always have an answer. My secret? I just carry it all on me, or call someone for an answer and get it right away.

So it would make sense that I’d like this free Rohto eye drops offer. Just another thing I could carry on me to be prepared. Maybe I should also carry some bandaids in my sportscoat’s pocket… Hmmm…

[via the forums]

EDIT: Their site now says they are out of samples until September.

I’m always wary of both diet products and anything that incorrectly spells the word “extreme,” but in the off chance that you don’t have the same strange misgivings as myself, you might enjoy this free Slim Xtreme (SX) sample pack. I’m not sure why they put (SX) after their product’s name though. It’s not like it’s such a long name that it needs an acronym. Maybe they just like the way it sounds when you say it out loud.

EDIT: We Hiffed the heck out of this one.

So what are the odds that these free Ola Loa multi-vitamins cure poison ivy? Because, you guessed it, I inadvertently walked through a patch a few days back and now I’m starting to break out.

I can speak with experience that a small dose of steroids from the doctor gets rid of it quickly, but a far more cathartic method is to take a flamethrower to the woods behind your house. I’d give you more tips, but my annoying lawyer keeps yelling at me to stop typing if I want to avoid being charged with arson.

When I first saw this free Drinkin’ Mate offer, I thought they were going to send me an actual drinking mate. Score, a new friend! Then I realized they were just anti-hangover tablets.

To be honest, I’m always weary of over-the-counter remedies like this. Isn’t a hangover simply caused by not having enough livers? Just have a few extra ones installed like I did and you’ll be all set to drink as much as you want. You’d be amazed at what you can buy on the black market these days!

This free Curamin dietary supplement has both curcuminoids and Boswellia, so you know it’s gonna be good!

I actually read that last ingredient as “boll weevils” and thought to myself, “well, that’s one way to lose some weight.” I know, it’s shocking that I’m not a licensed doctor.

Sams Club is giving away free Triple Flex vitamins, but I still haven’t gotten my Triple Flex sample from last month. How am I supposed to cure my non-existent joint pains if my freebie vitamins and supplements don’t come in a timely fashion?

I first started wearing contacts a little over a decade ago after I accidentally dropped my glasses into the toilet for the millionth time. I’m proud to say I’ve yet to drop a single contact in there, although there have been a few close calls!

I’m still waiting on my enhanced contacts though. It’s almost 2010, yet we don’t have any that shoots lasers or even gives us X-ray vision? What are today’s scientists even doing? Oh well, if you have an eye exam coming up, you might want to print out a coupon for a pair of free Multi-Focus contacts or pair of free Acuvue Colors contacts (this second link seems to be down for the time being). They may not give you super powers, but I guess getting them for free is the next best thing.

First off, I have to thank everybody who has sent me a “Happy Anniversary!” e-mail over the past few hours. Slight problem though – I’m not married One of our other writers, Adam, made the post about having an anniversary today. So let’s all wish him and his wife well and then go sign up for a free woman’s Heart Health kit.

That was a pretty smooth segue, huh? They don’t call me Mr. Cool for nothing.

…Actually, they don’t call me Mr. Cool…

Just this morning I was thinking about how I don’t get enough pyruvate, lecithin, or rhodiola rosea in my daily diet. Heck, don’t even get me started on how hard it is to get trace minerals these days. Luckily, this free Revvida energy drink mix promises to solve our problems and then some. Alpha lipoic acid? D-ribose? Oh, yesss! I’m starting to hyperventilate with excitement here. Where’s my trusty brown paper bag?