Hey, It’s Free!

Ever go to a concert and have your head splitting from all of the loud music? Oh boy oh boy have I ever. From the KISS/Aerosmith show I saw in West Palm, to Brand New jumping up and down on a small Orlando stage when noone knew who they were, to watching Small Town Sleeper after I opened for them at a small coffee house, I learned a heck of a neat little trick: pop in a pair of ear plugs. They’ll dampen the sound enough at any live show you go to, and you’ll still be able to hear the music just fine. And when you’re done? You’ll be hearing just fine and not damaging your ears at all.

That’s what makes this free Aearo ear plug sample so great: you don’t need to use it just to muffle out annoying siblings!

[via the forums]

Is there a vitamin for taking too many vitamins? If so, I need to find it and subscribe a dose for a few of my family members. Remember how in X-Men or Heroes all of the mutant humans were explained as having evolved? Yeah, I think some of the people I know are hoping to speed up that process by taking a dump truck’s load worth of vitamins every day. And heck, I’m gonna fuel that addiction and tell them about this 14 day supply of free Nature Made vitamins.

Why? Because I’m sick of driving and walking everywhere, dang it! I was promised a hover car by this point in my life and if I can’t have one of those, I’ll settle for a family member who can fly and shoot lasers out of their eyes.

[via the forums]

EDIT: Dead now

One of the drawbacks from watching all 5 seasons of The Wire over the course of a month is that it makes you want to smoke a cigar. I’m not sure what the cigar ratio was in scenes where Bunk was walking around, but I’m pretty sure it was 1:1. Thankfully, I can get my fix through this free cigar offer and get this out of my system.

Oh, and I put this in “Health / Fitness” since it didn’t fit anywhere else and I was too lazy to create a “Bodily Harm” category.

I wrote about this free Ultra XCID antacid last March, but the link back then is now dead and this is a new one, so…yeah. I actually just reread that previous post I wrote and it’s kinda funny. Not too long, a few quick jokes, a crazy tangent that doesn’t make sense. It’s the complete opposite of this post, which is bland, doesn’t have a single joke, and basically serves no point after the first sentence. But now you’ve already read this far, you’re not going to stop until you finish, and heck if I’m gonna apologize. Sucker!

[via Free Samples Direct]

My dad is a huge smoker, but I know he’s tried to quit a few times and still wants to. I figured it couldn’t hurt signing him up for this free NicoDerm CQ offer, especially since it comes with a $7 coupon for NicoDerm CQ with Smart Control.

My question is what the heck is Smart Control? Does the free sample come with it? If not, why?! And how much does it normally cost? Ugh, this is too stressful, I should take up smoking to relax.

EDIT: Looks to be dead, but I’ve changed the link below to their “Dentek Nation” club. If you sign up, they say they’ll send you freebies as soon as they become available.

I always used to think flossing was for losers who got tricked into thinking it was important. Then one day I went to the dentist for a routine checkup and proceeded to spend the equivalent of Japan’s GDP on drillings, fillings, and a whole lot of laughing gas. After that, I started flossing every day and thus I’m pretty excited about this free DenTek $20 gift pack. These little things are awesome, as you don’t have to worry about wrapping the floss around your fingers and cutting off your circulation (even if watching your finger tips turn purple is kinda awesome).

I’m not sure how they’re going to give away $20 worth of stuff, but you’ll get 50 free flossers, a few coupons, and some other cool stuff.

[via cara]

All I seem to do is sit in front of my computer recently. If its not reading the forums, putzing around on Facebook or MySpace, listening to music and reading reviews, reading my news feeds, or messing around with my site and blog, well, its staring blankly at instant messages. Or job hunting, but that’s always a pain and with the situation that I’m…

Enough.

That’s why I like Excedrin. And this free sample of Excedrin from Wal*Mart not only is bound to be good? But its bound to go fast.

[via the forums]

I feel old even contemplating signing up for this free Berry Metamucil. If I sign up for this, I’m only a year or two away from screaming at the neighborhood kids to get off my lawn. Wait, on second thought, I do that already. Oh screw it, I like anything berry flavored. Metamucil, here I come!

[via Kimmy]

I felt silly signing up for this free tampon carrying case since I don’t have too many tampons I need to carry around with me. But you are also entered into a drawing to win a new Toyota Prius as well, which is what got me hooked. I’m currently driving a truck that I’m fairly certain accounts for 14.3% of all carbon emissions made by mankind every year. It’s also a certifiable death trap once it tops 45 mph. If you ever see a story on CNN about a wreck caused by a truck vibrating itself to pieces, that’s me!

[via Heidi]

I always have trouble writing a post about something like these free VCF contraceptive films. I’m not even qualified to use one of these things, much less write something witty about them. Remember the scene in 40 Year Old Virgin where Steve Carrell’s character had absolutely no idea what to do with the condoms? Yep, that’s me right there. Ladies, the line forms to the left! Single file, please!

[via the forums]

Want some free free Ultra XCID antacid? Yeah, I’m not sure if I do either. If the word “antacid” wasn’t in the title, I’d have absolutely no clue what this freebie was. If I saw something like “Ultra XCID” I’d guess it was some sort of space robot or maybe a new car. They always have stupid names, like the Infinity or the Ultima. One day I’d like to see a car come out called the Pulverizer. How about the Goob? That sounds like a great name for a vehicle. Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, something about free heartburn relief!

[via Froggie]

Do people seriously have a hard time drinking water? I see so many flavored water drinks out there, like this free Dexatrim Max2o (that’s also supposed to help you lose weight or something) and I can’t help but feel it’s a little overkill. I drink around a gallon of water a day and it tastes just fine to me! But if you need strawberry kiwi lemon lime orange cherry flavored water, you might want to give this one a try and see how you like it.

[via Froggie]

EDIT: This is dead now!

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a freebie from Wal Mart, but this free Colgate Total toothpaste ends the drought. Now if I could just get a free toothbrush, because my old one is down to about nine bristles.

[via Froggie]

How many times have you wanted to be healthy only to be iunterrupted by having to go? No, not that kind of “going,” get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about just being too busy to be healthy and always going places. Take for instance the following scene that I totally made up but that I feel like 100% accurate for everybody in the world.

Billy: Gee golly, I sure wish I could be healthy right now, but I’m so late! I need to go, go, go right now!
Sally: Why don’t worry, you can be healthy AND go! Just drink this free Healthy To Go drink mix and you’ll be all set!
Billy: Holy moly, that’s space age stuff right there! But does it taste good?
Sally: Who cares, it’s healthy and you can go with it!
Billy: Well in that case, I’m sold!

I know, my powers of imagination and dialogue writing are outstanding. I’ll be waiting for my Emmy now.

[via the forums]

Despite wearing contacts for much of my life, I’ve been lucky enough not to suffer from dry, itchy eyes. So I probably won’t have any use for these free Alaway eye drops from Bausch & Lomb. Or course, the whole problem about not being able to see without contacts kinda even things out, if you ask me. I thought about getting Lasik a while back, but put it off once I realized how expensive it was. I tried shining the laser of one of those red pointer thingies in my eye to see if I could perform the operation myself, but it should come as no shock that I failed miserably.

What I lack in common sense, I more than make up for in stupidity!

[via the forums]

I think we’ve been over the fact that a decent-sized chunk of my family are, unfortunately, vegetarians. I’m still not entirely sure how they got to that point, because I know it doesn’t run in the family blood or anything. I’m pretty sure I could eat a raw horse if I thought it’d taste delicious. So that said, I doubt I’ll be signing up for this free vegetarian starter kit any time soon. I <3 my hamburgers just way too much.

[via the forums]

Crikey! It’s almost Tuesday and we haven’t posted anything since I posted about gaining an hour of sleep?

I guess it just shows that I should definitely sign up for this free sample of Complete Multi-Purpose contact solution. Means I’m not seeing things right by wearing my glasses all the time and not popping in “my eyes,” as I like to call my contacts. Maybe these will come faster than 8 to 12 weeks, just so I can actually see and post more here!

Or… Not.

Okay, I won’t slack this much in the future. But then again, I do have some tests and papers coming up, so you might see more of me…

[via the forums]

Sorry folks, but I don’t think I’m going to be doing a Freebie Reviews for these free Durex condoms anytime soon!

[via the forums]

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always suffered from massive chapped lips every winter. But as a kid, I didn’t really know what was wrong and thus I always licked my chops to try and sooth them. My mom finally spotted me doing so one day and after a quick inspection, pulled into the nearest pharmacy parking lot and told me to run in and buy something called Carmex. And….

Little Goob: Hi, do you have any Carmex for sale?
Old Lady Behind The Counter: No, sorry son.
Goob: Are you sure? My mom said I could get some Carmex in here.
OLBTC: Trust me, we don’t sell that here. Besides, those things are good for nothing anyway.
Goob: But my lips are really chapped and they hurt! Don’t you have anything I can buy?
OLBTC: How the heck are comics going to help cure your chapped lips?

Luckily for me, I don’t have to go into a pharmacy anymore and spend ten minutes trying to tell people I want Carmex and not comics. Why? Because I can just sign up for this free Carmex lip balm and have it sent straight to me in the mail!

[via the forums and Julie]

Whenever I see a freebee like this one, I have to think “For all of my time on this planet, have I been breathing wrong?” I mean, I must be doing something right if I’m still standing here, but I guess there’s someone who knows better if there’s a free Expert’s Guide to Better Breathing booklet out there.

I guess the bright side to this is that it’s a free guide and it’s not going to cost me anything to learn how to breathe better, but at the same time, what am I supposed to learn? How to breathe underwater like David Blaine? How to breathe icy breath like Superman? Or maybe I’ll learn fire breathing like dragons. That would really be cool…

I swear, this wasn’t the best freebee we had this morning. There were better ones. But you should sign up for the forums for those, and for the September contest…

[via the forums]