Health & Fitness Freebies


Free Full-Size Monistat Chafing Relief Powder Gel

Free Full-Size Monistat Chafing Relief Powder Gel

You’ll need to take a short 5-question quiz in order to get a free full-size Monistat chafing relief powder gel (worth up to $6). You don’t even have to get the questions correct! As a liberal arts major, that feels right.

Also I felt like I had to make a little improvement to the image above. Baked goods still constitute the foundation of my food pyramid.

Free Allegra Allergy

Free Allegra Allergy

This freebie from April 2015 has returned.

Cute packaging on today’s free Allegra Allergy sample. Why only mold the packaging into a letter and not the actual pill though? Think of all the additional hours of relief you could cram in there!

Wait, I also take Zyrtec occasionally. On second thought I’d like to formally say my idea sucks.

Free PeroxiClear Contact Lens Solution

Free PeroxiClear Contact Lens Solution

In order to see if you qualify free PeroxiClear contact lens solution, you need to tell them what brand of contact solution you currently use. Half of the results seem to only give out a $2 coupon, but if you hit back in your browser and select a different option, you’ll eventually get a page that says “You’ve qualified for a free sample of PeroxiClear! Anticipated delivery is 2-3 weeks.” You know, for a contact lens company, you’d think their offers would be a tad less opaque.

Free Atkins Quick-Start Kit

Free Atkins Quick-Start Kit

This freebie was originally found in April 2012 and seems to return every other month since then.

Today’s free Atkins quick-start kit contains some informative brochures, a BOGO coupon, and possibly pizza or chocolate to snack on? Or maybe you’re supposed to eat the brochures? I’m not clear on the specifics plus it all tastes the same to me.

The kit is available through March 31.

Free Centrum Vitamints

Free Centrum Vitamints

EDIT: These have returned! It’s also somewhat funny / sad how half of the joke is still somehow relevant.

These free Centrum Vitamints don’t even exist yet, however we can still sign up for them. I guess Donald Trump and Ashley Madison somehow overshadowed a vitamin company obtaining time travel technology.

I’m also fairly certain I’ve used that joke before, but hey, it’s the weekend!

Free Salonpas Pain Relief Patch

Free Salonpas Pain Relief Patch

This freebie has returned with a new link that should work better!

I’ve love to come up with a joke for this free Salonpas pain relief patch, but I’ve got 2 feet of snow inbound and the only items in my fridge … let’s see … correction, the only ITEM in my fridge is a beer. I might want to go out and procure some sustinence for the weekend.

Free LUB Adult Lubricant

Free LUB Adult Lubricant

Judging from the webiste, this free LUB adult lubricant is ideal for the next time you and your partner decide to get frisky in a torrential downpour or perhaps beneath a waterfall. Hahaha, look at that guy! He clearly did something to piss off Mother Nature, because that shower is directly solely at him.

For those easily distracted, the signup form is way near the bottom.

Free Cal-EZ Calcium Supplement

Free Cal-EZ Calcium Supplement

EDIT: I’ve updated the link, sorry about that!

If you woke up this morning feeling a bit light on calcium and you haven’t fully committed to going green by replacing your lawnmower with a cow, then sign up for some free Cal-EZ calcium supplements.

Free Amsety Liver Bar

Free Amsety Liver Bar

Man, I wrote up this great joke about Hiffers owning illegal livers which needed amnesty. Then I had my first cup of coffee and realized this freebie is for a free Amsety bar. Darn it, where’d that phantom N go?! I can’t even begin to explain how childishly giddy I became this morning thinking about illegal livers coming here to prevent blood clots that American livers didn’t want any part of.

Pfree Premier Protein Product

Free Premier Protein Bar

Remember this freebie? Probably not, since it’s from August 2015, but it has returned as the prophecy foretold!

I couldn’t help myself in the title. :)

Workout buffs can get a free Premier Protein bar or shake today! Well, they can request it today. They’ll have to wait 4 to 6 weeks like the rest of us unless they’re John Titor.