Freebies and free stuff

EDIT: Well geez, that went quick. I’ll be sure to post this as soon as I can on August 1st, which is when it’ll come back from the dead.

Did anybody else get the free Kraftmaid Kitchen Idea Book I posted back in May? The thing is freaking huge! I’m not even looking to remodel any of my home, I just want another copy to use as an impromptu weapon / kindling for fire / partner for a see-saw.

This freebie usually shows up on the first of every month and dies before the day is over.

Sign #283 that makes it abundantly clear I’m a single male with no children: Upon seeing this free baby calendar offer, I asked myself why a baby would need a calendar. I then was sucked into further futile pondering when I acquiesced that even if a baby needed a calendar to keep track of all his or her important meetings, how would that differ from a regular calendar? Wouldn’t you just say “free calendar” and then hand it to the baby?

It’s times like these I wonder how much lead paint I ate as a kid.

Comcast, in their infinite wisdom, decided to do me a favor and kill my internet all day. Because hey, who needs the Internet when you blog about things found on the web? … Hopefully most of you remembered that this free Glidden paint offer was today. I’m not sure if it’ll still be up tomorrow, but I guess we’ll find out soon enough!

EDIT: Looks like they got Hiffed overnight.

Pens just disappear around my work. I’ve learned that if I have a good pen, I need to hold onto it. And that’s why I sign and do almost everything with a red pen, because that way, noone can steal it and claim it as their own. Yup, only I use a red pen.

So I hope that this free ink pen is a red pen. Otherwise? I might have to put a tracking device on it to see which of my associates ends up with it…

EDIT: Looks like this offer has been flushed down the toilet.

Thanks to everybody who emailed me this evening to point out that Walmart is currently giving away free Scott double roll toilet paper as well as flushable wipes. The wipes actually come in a 10-pack, which is the perfect size for your purse or glove box. Unfortunately they won’t fit in my tiny wallet. The darn thing is so small, it can’t even hold my keys, let alone all the other things I carry on a daily basis: cell phone, pen, notepad, iPod, hairbands, spare socks, gum, HIF stickers, trumpet, business cards, UFO identification chart, 1800’s style pocket watch, coloring book with crayons, a baseball, and pretty much anything else I see lying around on my way out the door. I don’t wear baggy pants because of the way they look – I wear them out of necessity!

The sign-up form for this free ADT pet window cling asks when the best time to call is. Too bad they don’t offer a “never” option. Luckily they accepted my submission of 555-555-5518. Why the 18 at the end? Well duh, it’s not like I want them to suspect it’s a fake number or anything.

[via Mike - thanks!]

Everybody mark their calendar for June 25, because that’s when we’ll be able to sign up for a free quart of Glidden paint. Some people might consider getting a color that they currently use in order to have some touch-up paint lying around, but I plan on using mine to repaint my truck. All paint’s the same, right?

They say they’ll “send” the paint to you, which I assume means through the mail. But…isn’t that unsafe at best while borderline illegal? Not that I’m complaining though – I’ve always wanted to be a rebel.

Remember when we first mentioned in late April that Office Depot was giving away 25 free resumes? Well, instead of expiring at the end of May, the offer is now valid until the end of 2009! You can also send off a few free faxes while you’re there, which is great news for anybody interested in becoming my personal assistant. The job description pretty much entails getting me coffee and helping me come up with barely passable jokes. A monkey could do the job, but stupid federal laws prohibit me from buying one.

[via the Savvy Shopper]

First, it was a “coffee tumbler” that people questioned me on. Now, I’m sure its this “free coffee trivet” that I’m sure will turn some eyes. To me, “trivet” sounds like we’re talking about three veterinarians. Good thing I didn’t write the dictionary…

[via the forums]

There are only 10,000 of these free Glade Scented Oil Candle Tins available and since I’m getting a late start on freebies today (sorry!), I haven’t the slightest as to how much longer this will be available. I actually have a few of these in my living room already and they’re kind of nice in that the candles are small enough to burn out within a few hours. It’s like they were specifically made to be Goob-proof so that just in case I forget to blow them out, the house won’t burn down.

After entering in your birthday, there’s a super fast mention that if you join their club, you’ll get a free Blue Moon bottle opener. So…people still use bottle openers? Wimps. I’ve always just chomped down real hard with my teeth and pried off the caps. Sure, my yearly dentist bill rivals Lithuania’s GDP, but it’s totally worth it for all the high fives I get at parties.

EDIT: These Sam’s Club offers get Hiffed awfully fast, don’t they?

These free Glad ForceFlex trash bags from Sam’s Club are fantastic at not breaking while you stuff them full of all the dirty dishes your roommate left in the sink. The bags even mask the smell long enough for you to carry them into his room and scatter said dishes all over the floor!

Or I guess you could just put trash in them. Whatever floats your boat.

As usual, you don’t have to be a Sam’s Club member in order to get their freebies.

I know it’s not much, but Moo.com is giving away 10 free business cards that might come in handy. I wanted to keep mine clean and classy, so I just put my name, phone number, and the message “sorry for hitting your mailbox/car/house/fence” at the bottom. I figure they should last me through the end of the July.

If you head to Staples this week to get your free resumes and business cards, be sure to print out the $1 Bic coupon from Coupons.com and use it in conjunction with the $1 sales Staples is having from Sunday, May 3 through Saturday, May 9. According to the circular they’ll be releasing tomorrow, there will be a $1 sale on 12-packs of Bic Ultra Round Stic (sic) Grip pens.

Is it sad that I’m excited about free pens? There really can’t be anything healthy about that. I think I’ve been watching too much of “The Office” recently.

EDIT: Looks like this one is dead now. It didn’t even last a full day!

These free KraftMaid Kitchen Idea books pop up at the start of every month for a day or two, so I thought this time I’d sign up for one to see what all the fuss was about. Apparently it’s a book full of ideas if you happen to be making over your kitchen, but I plan on using it for my upcoming collage titled Goob & The Magical Unicorn Land. What? I heard girls liked guys who were into art.

Their site is crawling right now though. I left it loading in a tab and got it to accept my submission after about 5 minutes of loading.