“Don’t tie your brother up with belts and extension cords, don’t tickle your dog’s ears while they’re sleeping, don’t put live spiders in your sister’s bed.” Well fine, how about you tell me what I can do! While waiting for your response, I’m gonna go collect some spiders for…uh…research purposes.

[thanks Freebies 4 Mom]

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Glad ForceFlex Trash Bag. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

[thanks Lynn]

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Fringe Posters. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

This free SeaPak recipe book promises to have 15 meal ideas for $10 or less. I’d be kind of surprised if there weren’t a few coupons in here as well, though the form says nothing of including them.

[thanks Zachary]

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free SeaPak Recipe Book. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

I had to unexpectedly take my dog to the vet, so posts may be a bit slow today. She should be okay, but even better news is that she didn’t pee on me like last time! It’s really hard to act smooth after something like that, because you really only have two moves; either admit you’re bad at training your dog or pretend that’s exactly what you wanted her to do all along. Neither sounded appealing, so I whipped up Plan C: pretend it was me. In hindsight, I probably could have come up with something better.

And now for the slickest segue ever – free Avery label pads!

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Avery Label Pads. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

They’re giving away 10,000 pens every day starting at noon CST, so set an alarm to remind yourself!

Also, I found this offer over the weekend and immediately saw a million red flags. I probably spent two hours total hunting down who exactly was behind it. However, Uniball’s official Twitter feed mentioned the offer this morning, so that’s enough to convince me it’s legit.

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Uniball Super Ink Pen. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

Am I the only person tempted by these free Post-It durable tabs to test just how durable they really are? I guarantee you I’ll end up ripping mine within ten minutes. Sure, I’ll console myself by making a guttural roar and pretend to be a giant while doing so, but in the end I’m still out a freebie.

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Post-It Durable Tabs. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

EDIT: Aaaaaaaand we Hiffed it

With kids going back to school today, I thought it’d be a good time to point out that Nestle’s free back-to-school calendar with $20 in coupons is still available.

The landing page for the offer brings back some fond memories. I can’t tell you how many schooldays I started off with a few Beggin’ Strips, a bowl of Friskies, and a glass of Coffee-mate.

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Nestle Calendar w/ $20 in Coupons. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

This free 2010 Italian food calendar from Dilallo will not only help you keep track of important dates (like my birthday!), but it comes with coupons and recipes as well. The only thing that would make this calendar better is if all of the pictures were scratch-and-sniff.

Although, if you want an idea for how well I cook, here’s how you can play at home. Upon receiving the calendar, find the most delicious looking meal, scratch the heck out of it, and then enjoy the aroma of slightly burnt paper. No matter what dish I make, they all tend to smell that way and only taste slightly better!

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free 2010 Italian Food Calendar. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

Folks, I have a confession to make: I have an unhealthy addiction to office supplies. For some reason, I love surrounding myself with white out, pens, fancy staplers, and soon these free Smead SuperTab folders. I don’t even have any important papers to file! If my filing cabinet caught fire, I guarantee you I wouldn’t miss a single document.

Just for fun, I rummaged through it and the first folder I pulled out contained my tax returns from high school. Yep, I’m glad I kept these for over a decade! I’m sure one day I’ll need to know that in 1998, I made $452. Pheew. Crisis averted!

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Smead SuperTab Folders. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

Huh? Oh, yeah this has nothing to do with a free Pillsbury 2010 calendar you can sign up for. Sorry about that. But as you can probably tell, I’m pretty focused on not killing something.

OH NO, a leaf just fell off! I gotta go!

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Pillsbury 2010 Calendar. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

I feel bad for the archive team that will have to piece together my entire past after I die. Sure, everybody will want a complete record of the guy who saved the world from mutant zebras, but I’m not sure they realize how how many throwaway e-mail accounts I own.

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Eat Better America 2010 Calendar. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Betty Crocker 2010 Calendar. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

It’s easy to complain about calendar freebies that never come, but I feel pretty good about this free Oriental Trading 2010 calendar. Why? Because I’m looking at their 2009 calendar right now! It was one of the few that came last year and I’ve currently got it hanging on my wall. It could honestly double as an “I Spy” book, because each month’s picture is a smorgasbord of little trinkets and goodies. It’s easy to just stare at the image and …

… huh? Where’d the last hour go?

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Oriental Trading 2010 Calendar. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

Be right back, I’m gonna go rummage through the garage for my paint cans.

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Mueller’s Meal Planner. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

EDIT #2: The free ornament offer is no longer available, however the free 50 custom photo cards is still valid.

Final Edit on 11/17: Please read the SeeHere Updates post that I just published.

As if the free 50 custom photo cards weren’t awesome enough (some people have even commented that they’ve already received their cards!), you can now get a free SeeHere custom Christmas ornament worth $12.99. Just like their previous offer, shipping is free, and the code you’ll need to use is mallornament. Make sure you select one of the two $12.99 ornaments, because those are the ones that work with this code.

Their site is slow as molasses since so many people are trying to get the freebie, but the code doesn’t expire until 3/31/2010, so you’ve got plenty of time. Hopefully the ornament arrives before Christmas, because who wants an ornament in February?

[via Money Saving Mom - thanks!]

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free SeeHere Custom Christmas Ornament. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

I have no idea what a faucet aerator or switch gasket is, but they sound cool. At the very least, I’m sure they could help me with my time machine. So far I’ve built the core unit and perfected making the “BZZZZZZZZZ … KERPHEW!” sound with my mouth. I just hope time travel actually sounds like that. Otherwise, I’m just some doofus making a weird noise in a large metal box!

[via Kelsea - thanks!]

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Energy Conservation Kit from TVA. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

These free Avery shipping labels are probably just that, shipping labels, instead of the more useful return address labels. Regardless, I signed up for them with my home address and will probably end up sending myself something in the mail. Oh, I know, I’ll send a time capsule!

What would future Goob most likely want? Probably the same things present Goob enjoys: Hello Kitty pajamas, Sponge Bob plush dolls, and a comfy Dora the Explorer blanket. Wait, did I just type what I was thinking in my head? Crap, I really wish my delete key wasn’t broken…

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Avery Shipping Labels. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

I know I’ve posted this free pet window decal before because it’s currently next to my front door, yet I can’t find the old post for the life of me. I’d make for a horrible detective. We probably only need one decal at any rate. The last thing I want is for firefighters to think I’ve got twenty dogs hiding in the house since I’ve got 10 decals plastered on the windows.

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Pet Window Decal. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

In order to get this free Eukanuba 2010 calendar, look at the right side of the page for an arrow pointing towards the dog with a pink force field floating around her. From the looks of it, the calendar has nine puppies on the cover, so be prepared for massive amounts of “awwwwwwwww” once it arrives in the mail.

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Eukanuba 2010 Calendar. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.

I have no idea what Kraken Rum is, but I love old timey posters and alcohol, so I’m clearly in the free Kraken Rum poster target demographic. Too bad their store locator wasn’t working when I tried to use it this afternoon.

© Hey, It's Free!™ LLC. All rights reserved. Originally published by Ryan "Goob" Eubanks for Hey, It's Free! as Free Kraken Rum Poster. If you are reading this article on a website, then that site is guilty of copyright infringement.