Freebies and free stuff

So in honor of Veteran’s Day Weekend, there’s now some free entry to many national parks this weekend, November 11-13. I’d find one to go to out here if it wasn’t so cold outside and I didn’t just want to curl up with a cup of hot cocoa and watch some Beavis and Butthead on my days off. Yup, that’s what retail makes me feel like…

EDIT: Crudbuckets. They look to be out of samples.

Whew, I thought that long three day weekends off from work are supposed to be relaxing! Not to say I didn’t have fun at my wife’s law convention wearing a fez and my bow tie and quoting Matt Smith for the better part of an hour, but something tells me that I didn’t quite catch on to what the Casablanca theme really was.

Maybe if I had one of these free fishing hooks I would have caught on all hook, line, and sinker…

After liking Kudzu.com on Facebook, you can sign up for a free packet of flower seeds. I’m really hoping the mystery flowers aren’t kudzu. As a kid growing up in South Carolina, I used to be terrified of the plant because I thought it was quicksand. Then it started growing on the side of a neighbor’s house and I realized, oh, it’s like quicksand for buildings.

The fine print for these two free mosquito repellent patches is lacking on details. But from what I gather, you’re supposed to like Ben’s Outlet on Facebook and then fill out this form. So do that.

I know after signing up it says something about you having one entry, but Ben’s Outlet posted a status that makes it seem like everybody will win. It’s like 1st grade Field Day all over again.

EDIT: Okay, this is exterior stain. For…exterior…staining?

At least I think this free Benjamin Moore Arborcoat deck paint is meant for the deck. Maybe they painted those chairs in the image. Or possible the trees. As you can guess, I’m not much of a decorator. The last thing I painted were Easter eggs when I was 10 and that wasn’t a very happy memory. Turns out they were decorative crystal eggs.

[thanks to Andrew for posting this to HIF's Facebook page.]

EDIT: This offer has now ended.

Too bad these free sunflower seeds are meant for planting, not eating. In order to get them, look for the image above (it’s in the lower left) and upon clicking it, your email program will open. Send them you name and address and you’re all set!

EDIT: This is no longer available.

The next time you’re kept awake at night worrying over the condition of your soil, you’ll be happy when you finally remember signing up for this free soil pH kit. On second though, you might want to look into a prescription of Ambien.

Make sure you use a junk, freebie email for this free Avon Anew Solar Advance sunscreen face lotion SPF 45 offer since it promises to sign you up for all sorts of craptastic newsletters. Then again, you should be using a junk email address for every freebie. Everyone knows that ole’ Rule #1.

I still don’t get why “No Murdering People!” isn’t the first rule. *shrug* I didn’t make the list.

The page is a bit overwhelmed, so try again if you don’t get a confirmation message.

EDIT: Looks as if this is dead.

As a wall of pollen descends across the country, the only free weapon we have to fight back is this coupon for five free days of Zyrtec. Well, I guess fire is free, but then we might burn the homes of small woodland creatures. Trust me, pollen is bad, but an army of pissed off squirrels and chipmunks is far worse.

[thanks Jessica!]

Lowe’s will be giving away one million free trees (not to the same person) on Saturday, April 23. Worried you might accidentally kill yours? Join the club. We’ve got hats and everything.

[thanks Erin!]