Freebies and free stuff

EDIT: No longer available.

These free Purina Beneful baked treats on Facebook make it sound like our dogs are geting high. I honestly don’t need a dog that’s more lethargic.

You have to add an app in order to get this freebie. Hopefully you’ve taken my advice and created a freebie-only Facebook account by now. If not, there are also instructions on that page on how to remove this and any other unwanted apps from your profile.

I previously missed this free Meow Mix Pate Toppers from Walmart, but the offer is back as of … I don’t know, let’s say 10 minutes ago. If your cat asks why you didn’t sign up the first time around, blame it on me and then get to the bottom of how your cat learned to talk.

After liking them on Facebook, you can get a coupon for some free Purina Pro Plan cat food. I posted this back in July, so I can’t get another one. If you’re in the same boat as myself, (1) I get to be the captain (2) we’re totally a pirate ship and (3) you should still go to Purina’s page in order to check out their profile image. It’s a dog with a beard and it is glorious. We all need more animals with facial hair in our lives.

I wish I had a cool dog to go alongside my cool fat cat. I could have both of them roll over at the same time. I could then get a little saddle for my fat cat to ride around on his back on. Or maybe I’ll just get a corgi so they’ll be about the same size.

Needless to say, if I had a dog I’d like The Honest Kitchen on Facebook for a free pet food voucher that I could take into a participating retailer. Maybe instead I’ll just grab a sample for one of the homeless people I see near work. Tis the season, right?

Anybody else think this free Oscar de la Renta fragrance was from Oscar de la Hoya? I was quite perplexed as to why somebody would want to smell like a boxer.

Look for a small link to “request a sample” in the middle of the page.

Staples right now has this wonderful coupon for 100 free postcards. This makes me wonder if I even know 100 people to send postcards to?

This coupon is good until November 12th.

I wonder if I could pass off my cat as a dog. He follows me around, begs for treats, and rolls over on command. Maybe I could say he’s a dog, but probably not a real dog, so he wouldn’t qualify for this free Alpo Real Dog Kit, when you “like” Alpo on Facebook. Even still, I might just have to train my furry orange friend to bark on command next…

So while some people might wonder why we’d ever need a free horse training DVD, I can only smugly reply that when the zombie apocalypse takes out all forms of life and we have noone to work our refineries for fuel for our cars, I’ll already be a step ahead and able to ride off into the sunset! Or maybe I’ll just teach my horse to stomp his foot to count all of the zombies…

My cat is not selective at all. Nope. The little bugger will fist-bump me, lay down, roll over, and wait for me to scratch his belly. Yes. A cat does all of that.

So for him to care what goes into that belly? Pfft. He’ll eat everything in this free Royal Canin Selective Discovery Box. And if he had a chance? He’d eat the box too.

EDIT: We’ve overwhelmed their supplies, so this is dead.

I don’t know who Dr. Tim is, but after liking him on Facebook, he’ll send you some free dog food. That’s cool with me. I’ll give him some bonus props is he teaches either of my dogs to catch a frisbee. Any time I throw one at them, it either harmlessly sails past or hits them square in the face. There’s a metaphor somewhere in there about how they’re the perfect dogs for me.