Where’s Bozo the Clown? Shouldn’t Homer Simpson be an option? And I’m sorry, but not including me is a travesty. I’ve done plenty of things throughout history. Why, just this morning, I not only ate breakfast, but also took my dogs for a walk. Try and beat that, Benjamin Franklin – whoever the heck you are. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go find my bifocals and call the local fire department. I think the library down the street caught fire thanks to a faulty circulating stove.

Alright, so one of the benefits of HIF is that I get to work in my boxers. Wait, that’s not what I meant to say. Ah, yes, Fujifilm’s SeeHere freebies need a little updating!

There has been some confusion over the past 48 hours or so as to which SeeHere freebies are legit, which aren’t, and which I imagined in a dream. While I’m happy to say the current imagined freebie count stands at zero, it gets a little muddled after that. To the bullet points!

• Free custom Christmas ornament – expired – In addition, it doesn’t appear as if these will ship, even if you got your order in before the code expired.
• Free custom 12-month calendar – expired – In addition, it doesn’t appear as if these will ship, even if you got your order in before the code expired.
• Free custom photo cards offer #1 - available – If you used or are planning to use the code freebies4mom-1109 to get 50 free custom photo cards, then you’re fine according to Heather at Freebies 4 Mom. It’s only available until Saturday, Nov. 21 now and is limited to the 4×8 cards, but if you previous ordered the 5×7 cards, you should still get them.
• Free custom photo cards offer #2 – unknown – There’s another code floating around, newbaby, for 50 additional free photo cards. I’m waiting back from SeeHere to find out if this offer is still working, but I haven’t gotten a response yet.

Neither the free ornament nor free calendar offers were meant to be released to the public. They were given away to people in select malls across the country after having their photo taken with Santa, but seeing as how the codes were generic and not one-use-only (like they should have been), there was no way for us me to tell. I apologize for posting it though and hope I didn’t cause too much trouble or wasted time for anybody.

People, we must act quickly. This free Rainforest Alliance sticker can only mean one thing: Rainforests worldwide have joined into a powerful federation and they’re out to get us! Gone are the days of liberally razing any timber in our paths. Instead, we now need to keep a vigilant watch for any tenacious trees bent on revenge. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been attacked by a tree or two in my days and it’s no fun!

I’m officially baffled by all the free tobacco products recently. In the past two years, there weren’t more than four tobacco freebies. If you include this free General Snus chewing tobacco, we’ve had four additional offers in the past two weeks. The harms of tobacco are well documented, but we’re all adults here. If this offer appeals to you, rock on and enjoy.

The full sample pack includes Dry Mini Mint, Wintergreen Portion, White Portion and Original Portion. The signup form couldn’t confirm my age, but unlike other tobacco freebies, they provide a short .pdf form to download, fill out, and mail to them. They will then mail the freebie pack to you, but it’ll probably take an extra week or two this way.

EDIT: They’ve replaced the signup form with a “coming soon” sign, so I guess this is dead … but coming back soon?

A few eagle-eyed Hiffers¹ pointed out that in addition to the free poster I wrote about earlier, there’s a free Kraken Rum book available. Hopefully it’s not as sparse as the preview on-line, but either way, it looks cool and I’ll happily stick it upon my shelf no matter what.

One of these days I’ll be able to put my own book right beside it! The only problem is that I haven’t quite gotten around to finishing it. So far, all I’ve written is, “It was a dark and stormy night. They lived happily ever after.” Now I just need some filler for the middle and it’s off to the New York Times Best Sellers list!

1. Whether or not they have actual eagle eyes has not been confirmed.

EDIT: This is no longer available.

As seen on the Ellen Show recently, there will be 100,000 free $15 gift codes released each week until November 13, 2009 for the Kodak Gallery store. They have a ton of items for under $15, so if you shop around, you should be able to get something for free.

My mom is probably sick of all the photo albums I’ve given her as gifts over the years, but too bad! They’re full of happy, loving childhood photos of me and my siblings and she’s gonna have to cherish them whether she likes it or not!

Oh yeah, the valid states. IL, KS, MI, MN, MO, OH, OK and WI or as I call them collectively, ilksmimnmoohokwi. It sounds just like it looks.

• Check Exterior Lights
• Check Wipers
• Complete Coolant System Evaluations
• Battery/Starting/and Charging System Evaluation

Is any of that stuff really needed? I don’t know, it seems like they’re just trying to get you into the store so that they can sell you some more services. Then again, I’m the guy who drove his car for 7,000 miles without an oil change in high school, so what the heck do I know?

I need some new friends.

These free feel your boobies stickers have been the only things to make me smile in the past 48 hours. What can I say, I’m still a third-grader at heart.

For those of you wondering, this is also a breast cancer related freebie that is looking to raise awareness.

If you sign up with CVS’ photo center (click the banner above), you’ll get up to 50 free photo prints that you can pick up at your local store. I was gonna give it a whirl just now but I have no idea where my camera is and my body is too sore to move. In fact, I know I recently asked any Hiffers who are scientist to invent edible shampoo, but I’d really appreciate it if they suspended research on that and instead developed a cure for whatever is ravaging my lungs right now. Some people say it’s the flu, but I’m pretty certain it’s a mutant alien species.

I don’t know why but that image makes me laugh and I hope everyone out there is now picturing the same image in their head. You’re welcome!

What amuses me, though, is the brochures are to have a conversation with my local sushi chef. Last time I tried to speak to him, he just brandished his knife my way and that was the end of that!

Here’s the movie trailer in case you haven’t seen any commercials for it yet.

McDonald’s. McCruelty. Oh, I see what you did there! Man, PETA, that is Clever with a capital c. Who thought of this idea?! Give that a person a raise – immediately! Oh man, it’s just so witty! I should probably go ahead and retire from writing, because there’s no way I’ll ever be able to top that little play on words! …

You know, when I open my own brick-and-mortar company one day, I’ll build a store in every town in America! That way, anybody anywhere can visit one of my stores and participate in a freebie. I won’t even bother with all of those nerdy things like “return on investments” or “profit margins.” Who cares about that stuff?!

*KAPERRRZ* A time machine suddenly appears, future Goob steps forth and punches current Goob in the face while muttering something about potential investors digging up this post in the future.

I’ve got an undeveloped disposable camera with pictures from the 4th of July, but I’m not sure I want to see the photos. Something tells me that a camera + grilling and drinking with adults letting loose = photos that best remain unseen. And that’s not even taking into consideration that most of the people involved are family members!

[via Maria - thanks!]

The best part is the incredulous look they give me when confronted. “What do you mean you don’t know what ‘idkcmaswss’ means? It obviously stands for ‘I don’t know, call Mom and see what she says.’” This is usually followed by an eye roll and slight chuckle that can only be interpreted in one way – that I’m the idiot in this equation.

The offer lasts until Sept. 30 and the fine print says that there’s a reservation fee that’s refundable if you don’t buy anything. My friend says that’s standard, as she’s had a session with them before, but I thought it worth mentioning. Also worth mentioning is that I’m 100% addicted to Plants vs. Zombies. That has nothing to do with this freebie, but I’m officially asking for professional help.