Freebies and free stuff

I post these free McCruelty mask & stickers from PETA only because the mask is pretty darn creepy. Plus it’s just in time for Halloween! I can’t wait to scare a few … Wait a minute …

McDonald’s. McCruelty. Oh, I see what you did there! Man, PETA, that is Clever with a capital c. Who thought of this idea?! Give that a person a raise – immediately! Oh man, it’s just so witty! I should probably go ahead and retire from writing, because there’s no way I’ll ever be able to top that little play on words! …

If you happen to have a location nearby, you may be interested in this coupon for a free BJs 60-day trial membership that doesn’t expire until 12/31. They only have stores in 15 states, so I wouldn’t be surprised if some Hiffers don’t find this useful.

You know, when I open my own brick-and-mortar company one day, I’ll build a store in every town in America! That way, anybody anywhere can visit one of my stores and participate in a freebie. I won’t even bother with all of those nerdy things like “return on investments” or “profit margins.” Who cares about that stuff?!

*KAPERRRZ* A time machine suddenly appears, future Goob steps forth and punches current Goob in the face while muttering something about potential investors digging up this post in the future.

If you’ve got any rolls of undeveloped film lying around, you might want to consider taking advantage of Walgreens free 4×6 film developing offer today. There’s a coupon you can print, but some Hiffers who emailed said the same coupon is found in the store circular available as you walk in.

I’ve got an undeveloped disposable camera with pictures from the 4th of July, but I’m not sure I want to see the photos. Something tells me that a camera + grilling and drinking with adults letting loose = photos that best remain unseen. And that’s not even taking into consideration that most of the people involved are family members!

[via Maria - thanks!]

Posting this free OMG GOP WTF?! sticker is a true testimonial to my credo to post any legitimate freebie, despite what I personally think about it. It’s not the lobbyist group that bothers me, but the anagrams! Reading a text message from one of my siblings is like trying to decipher the Rosetta Stone by only using a German enigma machine. I’ll spend 5 minutes typing out a paragraph to them and within 15 seconds receive a reply that looks as if they typed it while trying to kill a spider on their keyboard.

The best part is the incredulous look they give me when confronted. “What do you mean you don’t know what ‘idkcmaswss’ means? It obviously stands for ‘I don’t know, call Mom and see what she says.’” This is usually followed by an eye roll and slight chuckle that can only be interpreted in one way – that I’m the idiot in this equation.

I’m not sure how much of a deal this free Glamour Shots 10×13 portrait and session is, but I’m willing to give it a go. I don’t care if women are the target demographic, I like getting dressed up too! I plan on wearing my tuxedo t-shirt and maybe even a monocle.

The offer lasts until Sept. 30 and the fine print says that there’s a reservation fee that’s refundable if you don’t buy anything. My friend says that’s standard, as she’s had a session with them before, but I thought it worth mentioning. Also worth mentioning is that I’m 100% addicted to Plants vs. Zombies. That has nothing to do with this freebie, but I’m officially asking for professional help.

I don’t know who Taylor Lautner is, but I’m sure some teenage girl would enjoy this free poster of him as much as Andy Dufresne enjoyed his Rita Hayworth poster.

As you can see, I don’t have much to say today… Maybe Goob will be around later with more…

Cabot Cheese looks like they’re trying to show how cool cheese is with these free cheese posters. To me, this makes perfect sense. I mean, if cheese wasn’t refrigerated, it wouldn’t be cool, right? I mean, duh?

Man, I’m so square sometimes…

When I first saw this free Purina Poultry timer, I thought it was a great way to tell when my beer butt chicken was done…

Until I realized it was for feeding the chickens and not me. Ooops?

To celebrate their 60th anniversary, you can download up to 16 free Harlequin e-books, which all together retail for $60. While browsing through the available titles, I spotted one cover with a hunky guy and gorgeous girl locked in a deep embrace. That’s funny, I don’t remember there being any photographers around then. I should probably make sure there aren’t any paparazzi in my bushes right now.

I wonder if this free Human Rights Campaign bumper sticker will really work. On the one hand, it’ll be nice to slap on my truck and proudly display that I’m a fan of human rights. On the other hand, the only people who will see it will be those whom I just cut off in traffic. Will it potentially calm down the enraged driver behind me? I sure hope so!

Walmart must be reading HIF, because one day after I posted the Hallmark coupon they go and offer a free Hallmark card! Okay, so maybe nobody from Walmart reads HIF and it’s just a small coincidence, but I’ve been known to find links where none existed. Take the time I mowed the grass and then went inside to watch the Mariners win a 10-0 ballgame. Did they win because I did my chore or because of their strong pitching and hitting? I think we all know the correct answer here.

I doubt this free Plundering of Appalachia poster is what I think it is. Whenever I hear the word “plundering,” I immediately think of pirates on the open seas: drinking grog, searching for booty, and making each other walk the plank.

So, in other words, *crosses fingers* come on pirate poster!

This free travel guides website looks sort of promising in that many of the travel guides are sent directly to you while others are available for immediate download. I still can’t find any hard information on if these are heavy in ads or if they come with coupons, but the shipping’s free and you might find a destination for your next getaway. I mean a personal getaway too, as I always seem to need a vacation after getting home from a family vacation.

Uh-oh. They read this site. What I meant to say was hey guys, this vacation rocks! [/sarcasm]¹

1. Just kidding about the sarcasm, let’s go ride some more waves and enjoy delicious beverages! [↩]

If you register with a new account on Walgreens between now and Aug. 24, you’ll be credited with 25 free 4×6 photo prints. They’ll charge for shipping, however you can get that fee waived if you opt for in-store pickup.

For some reason, my brain just told me hand to do a waving motion when I typed “waived” up above. Hey, it did it again! Hmmm, I wonder what will happen if I type “teleport in a delicious lunch.”

Crap, nothing.

EDIT: They’ve most likely hit their limit on this one.

I don’t know much about cars, so when I took the 7 question quiz for this free $10 Shell or Jiffy Lube gift card, I just hoped I had the right answers. Thankfully, the questions were all fairly intuitive, and you only need to get an 85% to win. So if you get something wrong? Just write down the answers and do it again…

No, I won’t share my answers with you. That’d be cheating and teacher would smack the back of my hand with a ruler…