Goob

This morning, our of the blue, I received a second Culver's birthday freebie email for no discernible reason. I guess they really wanted me to post this offer. I thought about pushing my luck to see what else they'd send me. Then again, they could take the opposite route and send a guy to “convince” me to hurry up. So … leave my kneecaps alone, Culver's!

Bruegger's Bagels birthday freebie reminded me that I've never blown a candle out of a bagel. What can I say, I have a reallllly weird bucket list.

In order to get your freebies, make sure to sign up in advance and be on the lookout for your birthday coupon near your b-day. If you're an old member of Bruegger's eClub and haven't gotten a birthday deal recently, then you need to re-join. They upgraded their rewards system sometime around 2016 and didn't transfer over all the subscribers.

Their email to me mentioned it was time to “enjoy the best bagel of your life!” Do people actually remember the best bagel they've ever had? I've probably eaten hundreds and they all tasted virtually the same to me. Well, almost all of them. There was that one I ate which turned out to be a toy bagel made of rubber. I knew it was a bit too chewy, but I didn't want to waste any food!

Whoa. Before today, the last time I was able to confirm the Brio Italian Grille birthday freebie was in 2011. That's over a decade ago! It's so long ago, they changed their name from Brio Tuscan Grille to Brio Italian Grille. I guess the Tuscany region ran out of spices.

Don't let the giant asterisk in Flat Top Grill's birthday freebie email worry you. I cut off the fine print, but I assure you there are no sneaky catches. It's not a BOGO, you don't have to have a flat top haircut, and teeth grills are only optional. It's simply a straight up freebie, just the way we like them. Now if only they had more locations than in four midwest states…

Now here's the rub. I signed up for all these freebies in February / March to test them out and back then their offer was a free stir fry. However, they've since updated their main site to say their offer is $5 off on your birthday and yet their birthday signup page says it's still a stir fry. So I re-signed up this week and got a second birthday email for … a free stir fry! They're probably in the midst of changing their system, so if you want to get this freebie, jump on it now.

If you ever needed proof that I'm still a little boy at heart (though I'd be worried if you actually did need such proof), then look no further than the fact that I can't say Schlotzsky's birthday freebie without giggling like an idiot. Schlotzsky's isn't even a dirty word! It merely sounds like it might be bad and thus my prepubescent sense of humor kicks in.

The Jack in the Box birthday freebie recently got an upgrade from a free dessert to 2 free tacos with any purchase! I'm all for free sugar, but free tacos has it beat!

I never enjoyed a Texas Roadhouse birthday freebie despite there being a location right down the street from where I grew up. The reason? I was 20 before I learned “outhouse” and “roadhouse” didn't mean the same thing.

That ringing sound you hear is my alma mater calling to inform me they've revoked my honors degree.

While getting your Fazoli's birthday freebie, you may find the urge to ask the employees what exactly is a Fazoli. You must fight this temptation. I speak from experience when I say they won't know and will instead look at you strangely when you start stamping your foot and demanding an answer.

I like to think of myself as a connoisseur of delicious food. I can smell a taco from a mile away and nothing wakes me up in the morning like a ultra-large milkshake. Yet, I must confess, I never thought of combining the two. Until I saw the Del Taco birthday freebie offer! I think Moe Sizlack summed it up best.

One of the nice perks about this birthday offer is that you don't have to wait to cash in on the freebies. New members who sign up today get a coupon good for two free Del Tacos or Chicken Tacos!