Free Carmex Lip Balm

For as long as I can remember, I've always suffered from massive chapped lips every winter. But as a kid, I didn't really know what was wrong and thus I always licked my chops to try and sooth them. My mom finally spotted me doing so one day and after a quick inspection, pulled into the nearest pharmacy parking lot and told me to run in and buy something called Carmex. And….

Little Goob: Hi, do you have any Carmex for sale?
Old Lady Behind The Counter: No, sorry son.
Goob: Are you sure? My mom said I could get some Carmex in here.
OLBTC: Trust me, we don't sell that here. Besides, those things are good for nothing anyway.
Goob: But my lips are really chapped and they hurt! Don't you have anything I can buy?
OLBTC: How the heck are comics going to help cure your chapped lips?

Luckily for me, I don't have to go into a pharmacy anymore and spend ten minutes trying to tell people I want Carmex and not comics. Why? Because I can just sign up for this free Carmex lip balm and have it sent straight to me in the mail!

Free Murad Skin Care Samples

Murad boasts it's “clinically proven to increase skin's firmness by up to 42% within 10 minutes.” Now, what if I use triple the recommended dose? Will my skin become so firm it's impenetrable? Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is to become a super villain hero and take over the world take over the world!

Have you ever had one of those weekends where you did absolutely nothing for 48 hours straight and then when you got up to go to bed Sunday night, there was a Goob-shaped imprint on the couch? Yeah, that was me this past weekend. I was a few microwavable meals and a bedpan away from never moving a muscle all weekend. I wonder if some free Murad samples and promo codes can help me get rid of this pasty complexion I developed.

Oh and if your imprint really is Goob-shaped, please let me know, because that means you're probably my long-lost evil twin. If there's anything Hollywood has taught me, it's that we have to fight to the death.

Free Dove Shampoo and Conditioner Samples

Dove used to be king of Freebie Mountain. It's a thankless monarchy, but from 2006-2010, they held the crown by giving away over 50 different freebies! They even gave away a large, fluffy robe once! Sadly, those days have long passed, but I've managed to collect a few free Dove sample offers and coupons below. I also added a few of the classic jokes from over the years πŸ˜€

Congratulations! We've graduated from basic to free Advanced Dove hair products. I don't know how we passed with me sleeping through most of the classes, but here we are!

The signup form states “fill out this form to receive a free sample of Dove Hair.” So…we're getting dove hair? Not to sound ungrateful, but what the heck am I going to do with dove hair? Plus, I thought doves had feathers. If you think I'll rub dove feathers in my hair, then you must have been spying on me last Thursday.

For some reason, Dove Cream Oil sounds delicious to me. It sounds like a delicious dessert if you ask me. In fact, knowing my subconscious, I'll somehow order one of these the next time I'm out at dinner with friends or a date. The evening will be going well, I'll be witty and carry on some light banter all throughout the meal. Then the waiter will walk over, ask if we want anything else, and my mouth will somehow utter, β€œYeah! We'll have a little dove cream oil and some coffee.”

If you have a bottle of Dove Hair Care shampoo, then take a picture of yourself holding it and get a free Dove luxury bathrobe. You'll also have to write a short review about it, but you can alternately make a 30 second video.

It sounds like a lot of work, but it shouldn't take more than a minute or two. Plus the freebie is a luxury bathrobe! Just think of all the fancy parties you'll be able to wear it to! I'll finally be able to eat at the five star restaurant down the street without being told I'm under dressed. High society, here I come!

Ladies and gentlemen, I come to you as a concerned member of the freebie world. I'm no business executive, but I do know that in order to stay up and running, most companies need to sell various products for profit. With that in mind, I ask how in the world is Dove still operating? Every time I turn around, they're giving away endless amounts of samples, like the free Dove Pro-Age lotion.

But it's not just the fact that Dove is giving away countless freebies. There's the trend in product names. Pro-age? Isn't lotion supposed to be anti-age? Is the name supposed to be ironic? Is this a joke I'm not getting?

Some people might think I run a freebie website and develop relationships with the companies so that I can get even more free samples. Heck no! I just want their e-mail addresses so I can ask them what the heck their product names mean.

There's one thing I've learned about marriage, and that's that you never really have to buy shampoo and conditioner. Nope. Not anymore. The husband never has that responsibility anymore. You sort of just get into the shower, and all of a sudden, there's a huge over-sized bottle of something that smells fruity that promises smoother, silkier hair. And when you're out? You just shout “Honey! We're out of shampoo!” and suck it up with a bar of soap. The next day? A new super-sized bottle of something else.

But I guess with this sample of Dove shampoo and conditioner, I can bypass shouting for a day or so. Just a simple click at the bottom of the page on the “Free Samples” link and that'll be one day that I don't have to shout.

The laundry, however is a different story…

Free Marines T-Shirt

If you're a high-school aged individual with no desire whatsoever to join the military, then you might not want to sign up for this free Marines T-Shirt. I remember signing up for something similar back when I was a junior in high school and let's just say that I soon got on a first name basis with the local Marine recruiter. He used to call all the time, it was like I had a new friend! Then one afternoon, I was playing Final Fantasy 8 and defeated a monster that had been giving me so much trouble recently. I was in such a gay mood after that huge victory, that I couldn't help but tell everybody how gay I was right then! That evening was the last time I ever talked to him, for he mysteriously stopped calling after that…I've never figured out why…

Free MLB Live Gameday Audio

Just a bit outside!

It's tough being a huge baseball fan of a team you don't live near. I'm stuck listening or watching the nearby Orioles or Nationals, which sucks unless the Mariners are playing them πŸ™‚ However, has an awesome (but kind of pricey) service where you can watch or listen to any game nationwide via your computer. And from now until July 14th, they are letting your listen to any baseball game for free. It's pretty cool, you even get to pick which broadcast you want to listen in on, so if your team is playing an away game, you still can tune into your team's broadcast and listen to some heavily biased play-by-play!

Free Christian Stuff

It's kinda vague if non-Christians are able to get these cool free Christian goodies, like bumper stickers, window decals, mouse pads, and more. I mean, they don't explicitly ask for your religious preference, but from what I understand, Jesus is always watching you. Or is that Santa Claus? Which one has all the presents again? Actually, at my age, turning water into wine would be a much more awesome present compared to a toy train set.

Free Lanyards

My college gave out something similar to these free lanyards every year, except back then I called them Key Thingies To Swing Around. I think I nailed myself in the head while swinging my keys around approximately 92 million times in college. And it never once never messed never with me mind!

Free Golf Tees

My grandma used to live right next to a driving range, which would have been the perfect place to use these free golf tees. Unfortunately, I'm banned from ever returning there since as a kid (ie, moronic high schooler with too much time on my hands), I used to wait until dusk, sneak down a few yards, strap on a football helmet, and then proceed to race around the range while waving my arms in the air and daring anybody to hit me. Somehow I never got beaned on the head and a few of my friends actually started joining me whenever Friday night was proving too dull for us, but that fun ended when the owner finally let his snarling Dobermans off their leashes. I tell ya, if you've never seen a pack of skinny white boys running for their lives while wearing oversized fishbowls on their heads, you missed your chance that night.

You know, now I think I understand why every time I play golf with my buddies, I end up in last place four holes into the course, get drunk, and wreck the golf cart while trying to joust with giant oak trees.

Hey, It’s Free Press!

Earlier this month, I was interviewed by a few fantastic reporters who were interested in putting together a story on HIF and the freebie world in general for their respective newspapers!

The first article to come out was written for the FSView, the college newspaper for Florida State University. We conducted a phone interview for the story and I was pretty nervous. It was the first time I'd ever been in the interviewees shoes instead of the interviewer's, but I think the article came out pretty darn well.

The next article was written for the Ka Leo O Hawai'i newspaper, which represents the University of Hawai`i at Manoa. Their website is down at the moment, but the reporter, Kathleen, was nice enough to promise to send me a few copies of the newspaper itself! So as soon as I get them, I'll scan the article and upload it here to HIF!

The rest of the interviews I've given recently have yet to produce any articles, but I'm told that a few will be running in the near future. As soon as they do, I'll post them here on HIF. But I wanted to add that if you're a college student yourself, or have any friends that work for a newspaper or radio station and you want to help support HIF, then PLEASE e-mail them and let them know about HIF!

One of the best ways to get new readers here on HIF (and with that, new people who can find some freebies!) is to spread the word via any form of media whatsoever. Newspapers, radio, TV, even blogs! Each and every bit helps and with each new article comes new readers! Heck, even if you just e-mail your local newspaper and tell them about us, I'd be forever grateful, even if nothing ever comes of it. So thank you in advance for helping to spreading the word about HIF!

Free Hair Scrunchies?

I think I've found a site that's giving away free hair scrunchies, but I can't really tell since all the models on the site look far too serious to be showing off simple hair scrunchies. What is it with models and looking as if they're staring down the gaze of death. Does it hurt to smile? Does it make the product less appealing if it's no longer on the body of a human who looks scared? I'm at a loss here, folks.

This might be the first freebie marketed towards girls that I'll end up using, though, because this hair of mine has gotten out of control. I can barely see the computer monitor. In fact, I hope I'm publishing this post on HIF and not another one of my random sites. Oh well, time to hit the “Publish” button and find out!

Happy Easter!

Sorry for the downtime there for the past 40 minutes, but I needed to upgrade WordPress, the software I use to run this site. And I figured late at night on Easter Sunday would probably be the best time in the near future where there were as few people on the site as possible.

But it looks like I've got everything up and running now, which is surprising because I'm not even drunk yet! Happy Easter everybody!