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Posted on 07.29.2009
by Adam
We rejoin our friendly freebie Superheroes at their local pizza joint…
Goobman: Boy Adam, what have I told you about cleaning up around the Freebie Lair?
Boy Adam: I can’t remember, Goobman? Isn’t that why we have our Pink Ladies around?
SuperShaynon: super kicks Boy Adam under the table Hey now!
The Pink Frog: Boy Adam, are you already forgetting the free Microflex gloves you found yesterday?
Goobman: Yes, Boy Adam, and what about the other offer for free Microflex gloves that we found?
Boy Adam: wincing in pain Jeepers! I’ll be cleaning for a long time with all of these free gloves!
Goobman: Of course, Boy Adam, and you’ll be paying the bill today too because I left my wallet in my other spandex suit!
Boy Adam: Golly!
We’ll be back to our superheroes with a clean lair in our next installment of their quest!
Posted on 05.11.2009
by Goob
EDIT: See, I told you this wouldn’t last too long!
Something tells me that this free Sennheiser hat won’t last for very long, so you should sign up pronto if you want one. It’s almost as if I have a sixth sense for judging the lifespan of freebies. Just toss it up to being yet another of my many superhero powers.
Posted on 05.01.2009
by Adam
Running along the rooftops, two figures can be seen chasing a man in a flowing cape…
Boy Adam: Quicker Goobman! Lord Undrallio’s getting away!
Goobman: I’m hastening, Boy Adam. We must cut him off at the pass and ensure that he cannot make it to free comic book day at his local comic shop tomorrow! Could you imagine the horror if he were to beat everyone there and steal all of the free books?
Two figures appear in front of the fleeing villain, stopping him in his tracks!
SuperShaynon: Sorry we’re late, Goobman, I hope we didn’t miss the party!
The Pink Frog: We Pink Ladies hasten as much as we can, but if its bad for us in these pantyhose, I can only imagine how bad it is for YOU guys!
Lord Undrallio: YES! PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY! The cape and evilness was the only salvation to this costumed compression!
Boy Adam: Well, I guess that’s a tight situation all tied up!
Our heroes guffaw joyously, but villains can only be captured for so long, as our heroes will find out in the next installment when this will all be continued!
[via the forums]
Posted on 03.03.2009
by Adam
At a press conference downtown, we find our freebie crusaders!
Goobman: Citizens of HIF-topia! Whilst our communication might be hindered by some problems on the forums, I bring you this urgent and grave message.
The press around the podium chatters
Goobman: You see, HIFfers, with the changing seasons, a lot more children will be running outside and playing. Parents, the time has come to make sure your children are safe!
Boy Adam: Goobman is right, kind citizens, everyone should get one of these free child safety kits today and make sure they’re taking the appropriate measures to protect their family today.
A murmur breaks through the crowd and a voice projects from the back, splitting the crowd open!
Lord Undrallio: That’s right, denziens of this sloppy suburbia, focus on your children so that I can steal all of your freebies!
Goobman: Not if we can help it! To the Freebiemobile, Boy Adam!
Our heroes race off into the brighter day, in pursuit of their arch-nemesis, leaving us with another saga… TO BE CONTINUED!
Posted on 02.12.2009
by Adam
With a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, a blast from our freebie past emerges!
Boy Adam: Zoinks, Goobman! Has it really been a year since we were last here?
Goobman: Yes, Boy Adam! And boy, do we smell stale and musty! We can not fight crime and find freebies this way! What do we have in the Freebie Cave?
Boy Adam: I don’t know, Goobman. Things have been getting rusty around here.
Goobman: Boy Adam, do you mean to tell me that after all of this time that Lord Undrallio, our arch nemesis, has been hoarding all of the freebies and these fine folks don’t know who we are?
Boy Adam: Sadly, Goobman! Now, with our untriumphant return, its almost like we pulled a Farve on them now!
Goobman: Well, make haste to request this free sample of Pantene Pro-V Shampoo and Conditioner, Boy Adam! For if we don’t shower soon after this year that we spent away, we’ll be seen by our cartoony stink lines for pages away!
. . . to always be continued, but fresher and cleaner this time!
[via the forums]
Posted on 11.14.2008
by Adam
EDIT: Looks like we killed it. We need to come up with a verb for this effect. Hiffed to death?
It should come as no surprise that I watch a lot of TV. And while I enjoy Samantha Brown’s Weekends, the one show I can never bring myself to watch is 1,000 Places to See Before You Die. I don’t know what it is about it, but maybe its because I’d actually want to see them and not watch someone else seeing them? Who knows.
Well now, I can get a free copy of the book 1,000 Places To See Before You Die by just putting in the code EMQAGE. And then? When I’m a bazillionaire from all of the money that I’m saving by getting all of these freebies (and not buying shampoo, might I add!)? I’ll have a guidebook for my own TV show.
I’d just need Goob to come along and we could have real life adventures of Goobman and Boy Adam… Even though I’ve got him beat on the age thing by a week…
[via the forums]
Posted on 12.22.2007
by Adam
EDIT: Sorry folks, but this is now dead.
As the cryogenic freeze chamber opens, we find our heros the same way we did six months ago!
Boy Adam: Jeepers, Goobman! Have six months really elapsed since we last made our public appearance?
Goobman: Golly, you’re right Boy Adam! We’ve been so busy freebee finding separately–myself in the wilds of Australia and you there in Orlando–that we really haven’t sat down for a while.
Boy Adam: Crimeny! So what are we going to do for the holiday season then?
Goobman: Boy Adam, I see no better thing to do than… Invite over our arch nemesis Lord Undrallio for a friendly game of cards!
Boy Adam: But Goobman, he’ll know our secret Freebee Cave then!
Goobman: No he won’t, Boy Adam, if we have this free deck of playing cards for completing a survey sent to his hideout, then we track the package, and meet him there!
Boy Adam: Genius, Goobman! We’ll have to bring the eggnog!
Goobman: Excellent idea, Boy Aday! Nothing says holiday spirit like some eggnog! And I know just what to spike it with to finally capture Lord Undrallio once and for all…
. . . to be continued, before another 6 months pass, with more holiday cheer!
[via the forums]
Posted on 05.28.2007
by Adam
Boy Adam: Holy Bovine Goobman! What is this I see off in the distance? Are you really prompting me to say what I think…
Goobman: Yes, Boy Adam! Quickly, you can say the catchiest catch phrase since Ricky yelling at Lucy!
Boy Adam: But Goobman, surely we’ll be faced by a lawsuit by more than DC Comics and we’ll have to face the wrath of Matt Groenig if I…
Goobman: Boy Adam, you can say it!
Boy Adam: Holy Cow! Goobman, so we’re really talking about adopting our own cow from Stoneyfarm’s Have-A-Cow Free Educational Club?
Goobman: Exactly, Boy Adam! Soon, we’ll be receiving quarterly letters to join our crime files photo of our unheiferly four legged milk bearing friend, all to keep us informed of how her life continues!
Boy Adam: So when will we get our first carton of ice cream from her, Goobman?
Goobman: Moo-ve along here, Boy Adam! It’s memorial day, and no time for cheap jokes! To the Freebee-copter!
. . . to be continued? With a root beer float too, maybe?
[via the forums]
Posted on 04.25.2007
by Adam
Boy Adam: Holy Shaved Legs, Goobman, it looks like we might have ourselves a bit of a quandry here.
Boy Adam turns around and sees that he’s talking to himself and then looks to the sky crying to the heavens.
Boy Adam: Goobman? Are you alright? You said you’d return by Wednesday, and it’s already 6:30am and you’re still silent! I should call you on the Freebee-phone to make sure you haven’t been captured by the evil fake referral freebee!
Stoically, Boy Adam turns back to the task at hand on the Freebee-screen of the Freebee-finder in front of him.
Boy Adam: At any rate, Goobman, upon your return, we’ll have to keep the British and Irish citizens safe from the onslaught of free wax away waxing strips just to make sure that hair everywhere is safe. Our only concern should be stocking up enough to defeat our evil arch enemy Lord Undrallio!
Will our heroes prevail? Will Goobman return with his hair in one piece? Are there too many links to confuse people from where the freebee really is? Or are people just getting tired of this retro-superhero schtick?
. . . will we ever know, or will it always JUST BE CONTINUED!
[via the forums]
Posted on 04.07.2007
by Adam
Boy Adam: Zoinks, Goobman! We seem to have stumbled upon something strange in this side of Metropolis!
Goobman: I don’t know, Boy Adam, but I’m certain that the Freebee-meter will tell us what it might be.
Boy Adam: How can you be so sure, Goobman? The Freebee-cycle may have gotten us here, but the Freebee-copter won’t give us enough lift with all of these shampoo and coffee samples!
Goobman: I’m sure we could see through the situation, Boy Adam, just don a pair of these free x-ray glasses!
Boy Adam: But Goobman, did you stop to think about why a guitar site would be giving away something so silly and retro?
Goobman: You don’t need to use the Freebee-finder to see, Boy Adam, that it goes along with their retro-guitars! And besides, Boy Adam, that would mean that we’d need to figure out why we were talking in crazy TV serial retro-talk with offbeat and awkward names mentioned every other line!
Boy Adam: Jeepers!
. . . to be continued?
[via the forums]
