Do I have to retype what's in the free Poise sample kit since it's all listed in the image above? This is when I sorta wish I had a boss to tell me what to do. Plus, it's no fun stealing office supplies from yourself and leaving bogus prank messages on your own voicemail.

Fine, I'll type it up, but y'all owe me the extra 15 seconds it'll take.

• (2) Poise Very Light Absorbency Long Liners
• (2) Poise Light Absorbency Active Collection Long Liners
• (2) Poise Moderate Absorbency Ultra Thin Pads
• A discreet carrier

Phew. Thank goodness this comes in a discreet carrier because the last thing I need the world to know is that I signed up for this.

Uh-oh. I think I've said too much.

You can request this freebie once every six months! These are a classic freebie that have been around since I started HIF over a decade ago. Even thought I'm a guy, I still love getting them because I'm always forced to come up with new, creative uses for them. My previous sample became a hat for my dog, but she didn't appreciate my exquisite taste in fashion. She threw it off her head before glaring at me with the undeniable message of “if you enjoy waking up every morning with zero poop on the floor, then I suggest you leave me alone.”

I fear the day when she finally takes the next step in evolution and becomes as smart as those raptor dinosaurs from Jurassic Park.