Lime, one of the new rent-a-scooter companies popping up everywhere, is giving away 250,000 free helmets if you pledge to wear them. I don't ride that many scooters, but I do fall down all the time. Think Lime will be cool with me just wearing my helmet around the house?

You should get a confirmation email saying all 25,000 helmets have been given away. But that was the previous free helmet promo Lime ran in November 2018, this is a new offer that launched today with 10x the amount of freebies. It looks like they forgot to update their email.

Go here to request a free Lenox jig saw blade. I don't have a jig saw, but I do have a hand that can move back and forth really fast.

This offer lasts until 10/1/19, so you've got some time 🙂

While researching this, I landed on a page that said something along the lines of “there's no such thing as a free lunch, but how about a free blade?” Oh yeah? I accept your challenge. A dash of hot sauce, a little pepper, and I'll be able to eat that saw blade in no time. Plus my dentist mentioned business is slow, so it's win win for everybody!

[thanks to Hiffer Mike for sending this in!]

Let's face it – none of us are likely to make it to Mars. I know, I know, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But, we can get our very own piece of Mars for free!

The Martian Garden is giving away a free sample of free Martian gardening stimulant to students, teachers, and space enthusiasts.

Wait, this is supposed to help stimulate a garden? Isn't Mars barren? 🤔

Marlboro isn't the only tobacco company giving away freebies! American Spirit is offering free cigarette butt pouches to help keep from littering the Earth with your used butts.

Annnnnnd now I'm giggling like an 8 year old.

If you're having trouble, log into American Spirits, then click the link above and click the “REQUEST BUTT POUCH” link.

Last year NASA let us shoot our names off to Mars. It was the closest I'd ever come to being an astronaut. At the very least, it was a cool way to let our future alien overlords know which ones of us appreciated space. Maybe they'll spare us.

However, with the current state of affairs in today's world, I think this new freebie seems a little more on point. To heck with Mars, let's send our name into the sun!

You have until 4/27/18 to sign up and have your name fly aboard the Parker Solar Probe spacecraft. This probe will go closer to the Sun than any spacecraft before it, as it plunge's through the Sun's atmosphere and is embraced by the warm, cleansing heat of our nearest star.

Still confused? Let this video by William Shatner answer none of your questions and leave you even more baffled.