Do I have to retype what's in the free Poise sample kit since it's all listed in the image above? This is when I sorta wish I had a boss to tell me what to do. Plus, it's no fun stealing office supplies from yourself and leaving bogus prank messages on your own voicemail.

Fine, I'll type it up, but y'all owe me the extra 15 seconds it'll take.

• 1 Lightest Absorbency Regular Length Poise Microliner
• 1 Very Light Absorbency Long Length Poise Liner
• 1 Light Absorbency Poise Thin-Shape Pad
• A discreet carrier

Phew. Thank goodness this comes in a discreet carrier because the last thing I need the world to know is that I signed up for this.

Uh-oh. I think I've said too much.

You can request this freebie once every six months!

This freebie from 2006 is still active … just like us!

This free Astroglide adult lubricant offer has been around forever and yet I haven't republished it for years. Until now!

*pats self on back*

There are currently 4 different free adult lubricant samples to choose from. After submitting your request, you need to click the confirmation link they email you. You'll then get your free sample in 4-6 weeks.

Make sure you have a great explanation lined up for when a young'un finds it and thinks it has some sort of magical astronaut-creating powers based on the name alone. This PSA, unfortunately, comes from personal experience. Let my awkward moment be a lesson for all!

If the news or general state of affairs has gotten you down lately, perhaps it's time to try some free Natural Vitality CALM, a magnesium supplement. I actually did a double-take when my bleary eyes initially saw this, as I frequently confuse mercury with magnesium. But turns out magnesium doesn't kill us, since this is billed as “the anti-stress drink.”

Curious. I always thought that was simply called “whiskey.”

The ever classic free Charmin toilet paper roll extender freebie is still active. No more balancing larger rolls of toilet paper on the buster towel rack!

I feel like this freebie is a Top 10 for Longest Active Freebie, no? Trust me, young freebiers, this is an ancient offer. Gotta love the classics!

Sampler.io is giving free Clinere ear cleaner to certain members who qualify.

I struck out, kinda like the Mariners this year. I clearly wasn't in their demographic. Unfortunately, I have no idea who they're looking for, so good luck.

That last sentence perfectly sums up my dating life!

I've got a lighter in the exact shape of this free Nicorette Coated Ice Mint lozenge case. We're about to find out if natural selection is on my side or not.

Holy moly, this freebie from August 2010 has discovered its inner zombie and come back to life!

I hate not knowing a word and resorting to Dictionary.com to make me feel less dumb. Take the slogan for these free Attends adult underwear. “The smart choice in incontinence care.” What in the world does “smart” or “in” even mean?

Here's a new site offering free Saba Diarios liners or pads. After selecting your sample and submitting your address, a confirmation message should pop up on the screen.

Thank you for your order!
We have received your information and will be in touch with you soon.

Don’t forget to tell us how you feel!

Um, okay. I'm a little hungry to be honest. I watched some terrible television last night and I can't get it out of my head. Oh, and you know, there's the whole state of *gestures towards the outside world.* Don't even get me started on the Mueller Report.

Ohhhh…wait, I think they just want us to tell them how the freebie feels. That makes more sense.

Smiley360 is giving away free Carefree Acti-Fresh Twist Resist Liners if you answer “b. Pantiliners” to their question. You'll then receive a free 10-pack of these liners! If you normally use this brand, don't miss the $0.50 coupon on the confirmation screen.