If the news or general state of affairs has gotten you down lately, perhaps it's time to try some free Natural Vitality CALM, a magnesium supplement. I actually did a double-take when my bleary eyes initially saw this, as I frequently confuse mercury with magnesium. But turns out magnesium doesn't kill us, since this is billed as “the anti-stress drink.”

Curious. I always thought that was simply called “whiskey.”

The ever classic free Charmin toilet paper roll extender freebie is still active. No more balancing larger rolls of toilet paper on the buster towel rack!

I feel like this freebie is a Top 10 for Longest Active Freebie, no? Trust me, young freebiers, this is an ancient offer. Gotta love the classics!

Sampler.io is giving free Clinere ear cleaner to certain members who qualify.

I struck out, kinda like the Mariners this year. I clearly wasn't in their demographic. Unfortunately, I have no idea who they're looking for, so good luck.

That last sentence perfectly sums up my dating life!

I've got a lighter in the exact shape of this free Nicorette Coated Ice Mint lozenge case. We're about to find out if natural selection is on my side or not.

Holy moly, this freebie from August 2010 has discovered its inner zombie and come back to life!

I hate not knowing a word and resorting to Dictionary.com to make me feel less dumb. Take the slogan for these free Attends adult underwear. “The smart choice in incontinence care.” What in the world does “smart” or “in” even mean?

Here's a new site offering free Saba Diarios liners or pads. After selecting your sample and submitting your address, a confirmation message should pop up on the screen.

Thank you for your order!
We have received your information and will be in touch with you soon.

Don’t forget to tell us how you feel!

Um, okay. I'm a little hungry to be honest. I watched some terrible television last night and I can't get it out of my head. Oh, and you know, there's the whole state of *gestures towards the outside world.* Don't even get me started on the Mueller Report.

Ohhhh…wait, I think they just want us to tell them how the freebie feels. That makes more sense.

Smiley360 is giving away free Carefree Acti-Fresh Twist Resist Liners if you answer “b. Pantiliners” to their question. You'll then receive a free 10-pack of these liners! If you normally use this brand, don't miss the $0.50 coupon on the confirmation screen.

The signup form for this free FLIP personal lubricant is all of the way at the bottom of the page. Look for the purple “Free Sample” button.

If you're not sure what to do with this, then I think it's time we had a little talk about the birds and the bees. See, the birds fly around in the trees while the bees fly around in the flowers.

I probably should note I never took sex ed.