Free Measuring Tape

Free Measuring Tape

Short and Fat is giving away a free measuring tape that's used for body measurements & clothing. I can't wait to measure everything in my home and then annoy my friends with the results (once we're all vaccinated, obviously!)

“Hey, did you know you're drinking out of a four inch tall glass?”

“That chair you're sitting in has a ten inch cushion.”

“Oh, look, your two inch fist is headed straight for my face!”

I might end up using mine to see if my suit needs tailoring. I've been wearing it every day over the past few weeks in order to increase my productivity. Instead, all I do is walk around my apartment firing pretend employees and giving unqualified stock tips to my cats.


Free Make Earth Cool Again Hat

Free Make Earth Cool Again Hat

I knew this wouldn't last long! The site says they're out of hats “for now,” but I'll update this post if/when they return.

Free Make Earth Cool Again Hat

Stonyfield Organic is giving away free Make Earth Cool Again hats while supplies last. Gotta love a freebie that's also smart policy!

The offer is set to end on October 11, but I don't think it'll last that long.


Free Keep Girls Safe Butons

Two Free Keep Girls Safe Buttons

I'm a bit late on this, but thankfully these two free Keep Girls Safe buttons seem to be still available.

I had to load the page in an incognito window in order for the form to submit. You should get a “Thank You For Your Support!” confirmation page along with a message saying your two buttons should arrive in 4-6 weeks.


Free Harley-Davidson Shirt

Free Harley-Davidson T-Shirt

Free Harley-Davidson Shirt

Signup before this ends to get a cool free Harley-Davidson t-shirt! They have sizes from Small all the way up to 3XL.

I highly suggest requesting this freebie ASAP, as I doubt it'll last for long.

I said I did not have a motorcycle license and I'm not sure if I'm buying a bike in the near future. It still accepted my freebie request with those answers, so no need to lie or anything for this. You should get a confirmation message reading “Congrats! Your request has been received. Please allow 6 – 8 weeks for delivery.”


Free HyFlex Work Safety Gloves

You can get a free sample of HyFlex work safety gloves in six different sizes. They come in sizes 6-11, which brings me to a quick follow up question.

Should I know my hand size? I'm gonna guess I'm a 10, based solely on the fact that I have 10 fingers.

You have to give a business name and address for this freebie. Luckily, I consider Freebie Requesting as a job and I'm hiring every Hiffer to a 5-minute contract. Welcome to the team! Now sign up for this freebie and clean out your desk!


Free Deltapine Tshirt

Free Deltapine Shirt

It's been a hot minute since I've discovered a legitimate free t-shirt offer. Yet today I stumbled across this free Deltapine shirt form! They want you to share a “story of strength and success” in order to get this freebie. Here's what I included with mine.

One time I couldn't open a jar of pickles, but I really wanted a snack. 6 months of heavy lifting and exercise later, I'm now strong enough to steal as many pickles as I want from my neighbors. SUCCESS!

While this is a legit freebie, it's clearly not meant for the masses. I'd expect this to die before the end of today, so don't delay! Our free shirts should ship out in late May.


Free WD-40 Hat

Free WD-40 Hat

If you woke up this morning hankering for a free WD-40 hat, then hot dang, you're weird. We should be friends! No word on what size it'll be, but I can think of a possible quick fix if it's a tight fit. 👲

Oh yeah, the hat is real! You have until 11/2/18 to request you free hat and they should ship out beginning 11/15/18.


Two Free Lapel Pins

It's Friday. Let's post some goofy lapel pin freebies.

First we've got a free pin offer from the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. A free pin just for making a pledge? Sounds like a loose promise I can make then completely forget about!

Then we've got a … free TripAdvisor pin? Oooooookay. I love how they'll give an “excellent service” pin to anybody. We all just became certified excellent servers! Huzzah! Time to go update the ol' resume.


Free Charm Bracelet

Free Charm Bracelet

U by Kotex is giving away free charm bracelets. Please don't ask me to try deciphering the whys behind this one because I have no freaking idea.


Free John Deere Hat

Looks like this one is as dead as the fox of my new hat…

I have way way too many hats. Why, even though I've seen a few new ones that I really want, I just got a new fox hat right from China that I can't even wear because the weather just warmed up! Of course, I could have brought that one to Wisconsin when my wife and I were there last weekend, but I didn't think of that.

Then again, I do live in the midwest, and that means that this free John Deere hat is fashionable with whatever I wear…


Free Marines T-Shirt

If you're a high-school aged individual with no desire whatsoever to join the military, then you might not want to sign up for this free Marines T-Shirt. I remember signing up for something similar back when I was a junior in high school and let's just say that I soon got on a first name basis with the local Marine recruiter. He used to call all the time, it was like I had a new friend! Then one afternoon, I was playing Final Fantasy 8 and defeated a monster that had been giving me so much trouble recently. I was in such a gay mood after that huge victory, that I couldn't help but tell everybody how gay I was right then! That evening was the last time I ever talked to him, for he mysteriously stopped calling after that…I've never figured out why…


Free Downy Laundry Detergent

It's been a while since we've seen some free Downy laundry detergent. The reason I know is because I'm down to my last pair of clean underwear and t-shirt. How do people keep all their outfits clean without freebies?!

While we wait for the next Downy freebie, here are a bunch of free Downy product coupons.


When I was in college, I used to do laundry once every 8 months or so. I figured if I wore a pair of jeans 21 days in a row, then it really didn't matter if I wore them a 22nd or not. But to be honest, part of my aversion to laundry was because I had no extra money for silly things like β€œdetergent” or β€œ3 quarters for the laundry machines.” Oh, how life could have been different had I known about freebies like these free Tide & Downy simply pleasures back then!


This free Ultra Downy isn't like that other regular Downy detergent. No, this stuff is Ultra, which is way better than that other crap. How so, you ask? Well heck if I know, but I can assure you that no company would every casually toss around a word such as Ultra in their product name.


What are these free Downy Unstoppables supposed to stop? Stains? Crazy ex-girlfriends? Myself from eating an entire pan of brownies? There are so many options!