Altria has recently sent me a flurry of Cease & Desist letters for using their promo pictures because … I don't know, I guess they hate publicity. However don't let this barren, imageless post keep you from requesting a free Red Seal American hat! For what it lacks in looks, it makes up in cost.

I didn't have a previous account on this site, so I had to sign up today. However unlike other tobacco website, this one didn't ask me for my last four Social Security numbers. So that's a nice plus.

You can get a free hat from Autolite after submitting a story about you and your dad. I've been known to exaggerate from time to time, so do me a solid if anybody comes around asking. I'm Goob Snow, my dad never told me who my mom was, and I have a fairly hazardous job atop a 700 foot wall of ice.

Note you can skip the third step of submitting a photo by clicking a link on that page.

EDIT: I bungled the offer here. What you really get for trying on a sports bra is a scratch off card that MIGHT give you a free bra. It might also give you a lower value $5 coupon. My bad, everybody.

I'll admit to spending a solid 8 hours editing the photo above for this free Victoria's Secret sports bra offer. I had to make it look jusssssst right.

The details on this are thankfully easy. Now through June 9, if you try on a sports bra in-store, you get either it or a $10 off coupon.

If you're cool with tobacco offers then you'll love this free custom designed t-shirt from Camel. I had to make an account, which makes me think this is their first foray into the freebie world. They probably had to take a few breaks while running to catch up.

After logging in, look around for the Crush Experience then select the small t-shirt box. You'll then go through a few more quick prompts before finally heading to the t-shirt printing company's site. This is where you get to actually design your shirt. Once you're satisfied with your design and color, hit submit and you're set!

Thanks to everybody who sent this in!

For the past two weeks I've been wearing a suit every day in an effort to increase my productivity. As you can see from that link, it hasn't worked out as planned, but it's been a hell of a lot of fun. I don't know what has to do with this free clothing tape measure, but that segue was smoooooth.

Want to get one? Here's how.

• Like them on Facebook.
• Click the blue “Get Tape Measure” button.
• A registration form should now appear. If it doesn't, refresh the page, unlike them, and try again. I got the form on my second try.
• Now checkout. It should charge you $0.00 total

That's it! You should quickly get an email that looks like this.

Just make sure you don't pay anything or enter any credit card info. I have a feeling they'll start charging a shipping fee after we HIF it, so please let me know if it asks you to pay anything in the comments.