This free Vichy Mineral 89 Hyaluronic Acid Moisturizer comes jam packed with all sorts of letters. They've got Ca and K, which is only a letter away from delicious cake. There's also some Sr and Si, who's a great guy, if not a little too agreeable.

They even squeezed in a little Mg and S. MSG might be terrible to eat, but it turns out if you rearrange the letters and slather it on your skin, it does wonder for your complexion!

Note you do not have to sign up for their newsletter to get this sample.

Sampler.io is giving away possible free PanOxyl PM overnight spot patches to those who qualify. Login with your Sampler account, then it should either offer you a freebie or a $2 consolation coupon.

My demo wasn't selected, so I guess that means I have flawless skin. Ah, ah, ah! Don't correct me. We're going with “flawless skin” and that's settled!

I found this free Dove deodorant offer! Sign up today and you'll get to choose from the following samples.

• Dove Go Fresh Dry Spray Cool Essentials Antiperspirant
• Dove Men+Care Dry Spray Antiperspirant Deodorant Clean Comfort

This is in addition to the Degree UltraClear deodorant freebie that's still available, where you can choose from:

• Degree For Women UltraClear Dry Spray Antiperspirant Deodorant
• Degree For Men UltraClear Dry Spray Antiperspirant Deodorant

If neither of those interest you, then how about some old jokes back from 2008 when Dove gave away freebies like hotcakes? 😀

The freebie page and even the bottle for this free Dove Go Fresh deodorant include a bunch of images of grapefruits, which made me wonder: is a grapefruit really the best fruit to use as a logo for a deodorant? I don't know about you, but grapefruits are kinda sticky. That's the last thing I want my underarms to be during the middle of the day. They could have gone with a banana, but those are kinda slimy when you get right down to it. Grapes? Too small for the bottle to show up well probably.

Hmmm…you know what, on second thought, why the heck does deodorant have to associate itself with a fruit anyways?

This free Dove Go Fresh deodorant is supposed to be for Costco members, but seeing as how they'll accept your information without a Costco member ID, maybe us simpletons will get a sample too. Actually, I'm a member at Costco, but I lost my card a while back and couldn't be bothered to find it. There's apathetic people, then pure lazy folks, and then me at the top of the pyramid ruling them all. No, that doesn't sound right. There's no way I'd climb to the top of a pyramid. Let's say it's an engineering marvel, upside-down pyramid. It was built by a ancient empire off all-Goob's who surpassed the skills of even the Egyptians.

Only problem is they were too lazy to write down anything about themselves, and thus are forgotten. What a tragedy.

I've yet to learn how to directly link to some StartSampling offers, like this free Dove Go Fresh deodorant. I've got a buddy who works at NASA programming rockets headed to Mars and when I asked him, all he could offer was a resigned “uh-uh” with an added shoulder shrug. My confidence in ever traveling to space significantly dropped after that conversation.

I don't know why I always make up a fake Costco membership number for freebies like this free Dove Go Fresh deodorant. I'm a member, but I've always been too lazy to find my card and use the right one. There's a certain level of apathy laziness that is impressive and repulsive at the same time.

It looks like this free L'Oreal Infallible Foundation offer is back to being available!

Even better for me, this freebie says I'm infallible. Aside from absolving me on skipping vegetables last night, do you know what this means?

WE'RE ALL FRESHLY ANOINTED POPES! You get to be a Pope! I get to be a Pope! EVERYBODY GETS TO BE A POPE!