There's a new SkinCeutical sample out that I almost missed. Sign up here and get free SkinCeutical Discoloration Defense Serum in about 8 to 10 weeks. What does this freebie do? Oh, don't look at me, I have no freaking idea. Let's turn to the experts.

REDUCES The Appearance Of Skin Discoloraiton

IMPROVES Skin Brightness

EVENS Skin Tone In As Early As 2 Weeks

Sounds good to me.

There are two other SkinCeutical freebies still available too!

• Free Hyaluronic Acid Intensifier and
• Free CE Ferulic antioxidant and Triple Lipid anti-aging

After entering your email, you'll redirect to the “Get A Free Sample” page letting you claim free Rituals Sakura body cream.

Our best-selling body cream from The Ritual of Sakura is just what you need to blossom. Featuring special technology that makes this velvety rich cream easy to apply, it intensely nourishes and firms the skin.

Sounds like this body cream has more technology in it than my grandma's flip phone.

This freebie offer is run by SoPost, so we should receive our freebies within a few weeks. I love a company that takes their freebies seriously.

If you have naturally wavy, curly and coily hair, then be sure to request from Unilever a sample of free Suave Naturals hair product. You get to choose from the following three freebies:

• Curl Defining Cream
• Nourish & Strengthen Leave-In Conditioner
• Curl Cream sample

Samples should arrive in 2-3 weeks.

Request a free sample of Nostalgia perfumey, either women's or men's, while supplies last. This freebie is nailing its namesake, as I'm already nostalgic for when we spelled it perfume. Where'd this extra -y come from?

After you load the page, a popup window should appear where you can submit your address. Here's what it looks like, you can't miss it. I checked the site's code and the popup is triggered to appear 2 seconds after the site loads. It should work on desktop, tablet, and mobile too.

Sign up today for a free sample of Marc Anthony Strictly Curls lotion. This freebie helps keep your hair curly while repelling humidity, locking in shine and giving you the ultimate frizz control. Hiffers down south, take notice! If the humidity is getting to you this summer, just smear this sample all over your body and you'll finally start to cool off.

It took a minute for the form to submit, but eventually you should get a confirmation message saying “Your request has been sent!”

Here's a new signup link where you can request a free CeraVe moisturizing cream sample. This promises to moisturize & help restore the protective skin barrier. That's great news, because I have skin!

You might be rejected, but there's a quick fix. Make sure to say you have dry skin and you should qualify for this freebie.

Samples should arrive in 4-6 weeks.

I found this free Dove deodorant offer! Sign up today and you'll get to choose from the following samples.

• Dove Go Fresh Dry Spray Cool Essentials Antiperspirant
• Dove Men+Care Dry Spray Antiperspirant Deodorant Clean Comfort

This is in addition to the Degree UltraClear deodorant freebie that's still available, where you can choose from:

• Degree For Women UltraClear Dry Spray Antiperspirant Deodorant
• Degree For Men UltraClear Dry Spray Antiperspirant Deodorant

If neither of those interest you, then how about some old jokes back from 2008 when Dove gave away freebies like hotcakes? 😀

The freebie page and even the bottle for this free Dove Go Fresh deodorant include a bunch of images of grapefruits, which made me wonder: is a grapefruit really the best fruit to use as a logo for a deodorant? I don't know about you, but grapefruits are kinda sticky. That's the last thing I want my underarms to be during the middle of the day. They could have gone with a banana, but those are kinda slimy when you get right down to it. Grapes? Too small for the bottle to show up well probably.

Hmmm…you know what, on second thought, why the heck does deodorant have to associate itself with a fruit anyways?

This free Dove Go Fresh deodorant is supposed to be for Costco members, but seeing as how they'll accept your information without a Costco member ID, maybe us simpletons will get a sample too. Actually, I'm a member at Costco, but I lost my card a while back and couldn't be bothered to find it. There's apathetic people, then pure lazy folks, and then me at the top of the pyramid ruling them all. No, that doesn't sound right. There's no way I'd climb to the top of a pyramid. Let's say it's an engineering marvel, upside-down pyramid. It was built by a ancient empire off all-Goob's who surpassed the skills of even the Egyptians.

Only problem is they were too lazy to write down anything about themselves, and thus are forgotten. What a tragedy.

I've yet to learn how to directly link to some StartSampling offers, like this free Dove Go Fresh deodorant. I've got a buddy who works at NASA programming rockets headed to Mars and when I asked him, all he could offer was a resigned “uh-uh” with an added shoulder shrug. My confidence in ever traveling to space significantly dropped after that conversation.

I don't know why I always make up a fake Costco membership number for freebies like this free Dove Go Fresh deodorant. I'm a member, but I've always been too lazy to find my card and use the right one. There's a certain level of apathy laziness that is impressive and repulsive at the same time.

Here's a new SkinCeuticals sample offer that promises to send us a complimentary sample of CE Ferulic antioxidant and Triple Lipid anti-aging … goop stuff.

These tend to go fast, so I wouldn't wait too long on this.

You can also still request their free Hyaluronic Acid Intensifier if you haven't done so already.

Sign up now for two sachets of free Bionyx Platinum Essential Day Cream. For those who don't know and are too gullible to trust me, Bionyx are a new line of bionic onyx rocks who have gained sentience and are planning to take over the world. But hey, they've got freebies, so I'm happy to bend the knee!