Freebies and free stuff

How’s this for an early heads up? On Monday (September 1, 2008), you can get a free three count chicken strip order at Chick-fil-A from 10:30 am until 10:00 pm. All you have to do is wear anything with a football logo, which is way easier (and less embarrassing) than when I had to dress up like a cow last month. Heck, you don’t even have to wear a jersey – they’ll accept hats, t-shirts, probably even underwear. Just make sure it has the logo of a football team and you’re set.

(Note: HIF and Goob take no responsibility if you try to get this freebie wearing nothing but underwear. Of course, you’ll probably get the freebie, but you’ll also probably end up with your photo in the local paper’s police report and being the target of ridicule amongst your friends for years. Hmmm, free food or untarnished reputation? I know, it’s a tough call.)

[thanks Swamprat!]

In the process of creating a new design for my personal website this month, I realized that it didn’t really looks all that spiffy in Internet Explorer 6 (IE6). In fact, it looked abysmal. But I thought “oh screw it, only 2% of my readers are still using IE6…but what about over on HIF?”

So I logged into my stat tracking software and proceeded to have a massive stroke. 20% of y’all are still using a browser that hasn’t been updated in almost two years. That’s 14 dog years or 90 gazillion technology years. IE6 is like a horse-and-buggy. Why ride around in that when you can drive a car? It’s slow, it makes websites look weird (like HIF!), and most importantly, it’s rarely updated. So if a new security exploit is found tomorrow, sucks for you, because Microsoft isn’t patching it anytime soon.

There are far better alternatives. There’s Internet Explorer 7, which has been out for almost two years. It’s made by Microsoft, has the same feel as IE6, and comes with far better security. At the absolute least, you should upgrade to that. Heck, IE8 is already out in beta.

Then again, I’d suggest skipping over IE entirely and going straight to Firefox. I know, it has a weird and possibly even intimidating name, but I promise it doesn’t bite. Firefox is like the filet mignon of internet browsers, while IE6 is the Slim Jim. It’s easier to use, much more secure, and all-around better. When you install it for the first time, it even has a little step-by-step tool that will bring all of your bookmarks and favorite links over into Firefox from IE.

I know some of you are forced to use crappy browsers, either by your workpalce or maybe school. But if you haven’t upgraded simply because you’re afraid, then now’s the time to do it. Before long, old browsers won’t even work as more and more websites stop coding for them.

So please, join me in allowing IE6 to die the peaceful death it deserves.

EDIT: As romanslady put it in the comments, this freebie is all “wiped out.”

Perhaps the Freebie Gods have not enjoyed my jokes recently and as such they’ve killed all the freebies I’ve posted as punishment. Fine, I can take a hint. I’ll just shut up and mention that Wal Mart is giving away free Cottonelle moist wipes for who the heck knows how long.

[via ButterflyKyss]

EDIT: Screw it, I’m taking off and starting the effing weekend early. Apparently I did something to piss off the Freebie Gods.

Apparently this free Secret Clinical Strength deodorant is stronger than most deodorant, as signaled by the “clinical strength” term. Which leads me to ask: why is everybody who smells at a clinic? What clinic is this? How is it that only smelly people end up there? Is there an underground network that only allow in people with bad BO?

Forget algebra, these are the kind of things they need to be teaching in school.

[via Julie]

DHL is giving away a free copy of Fodor’s 1,001 Smart Travel Tips if you pretend to be a company and take their survey. I’m curious to see how many of these 1,001 so called tips are actually just common sense though. If I wrote a similar book, it’d say 1) Learn to say please, thank you, beer, no, and yes in the local language and 2) Pretend to be Canadian. That’s pretty much all you need to do in order to get by abroad.

You know, I think I’m starting to understand why I don’t have a book deal.

[via The Freebie Blogger]

EDIT: Looks like the organic cows are out of milk!

Ok, let’s try and regroup here. This week’s freebies haven’t been too kind in terms of A) staying alive or B) making me feel intelligent. Apparently that Gain laundry detergent I posted had always said it was just a scent card. I no gooder at readinger.

Whatever. Let’s plow forward like true Hiffers. Hey, did you know every time I type out “hiffers,” my brain instinctively tries to type “heifers.” Why? I don’t know, but it’s an awesome segue into this free Horizon Organic milk! That was a pretty smooth, huh? I’m like a seasoned news anchor who should…wait. Back it up a minute. They’re giving away free milk? Through the mail? Ah…are they giving away free hospital visits as well? Hmmm…this might be a freebie to test out on the siblings in the name of science. Of course, “science” being codeword for “preserving Goob’s health.”

You can also sign up for some coupon of Horizon’s site. I signed up, but no word on what exactly the coupons are good for.

EDIT: There are no more puppy training DVDs!

This free puppy training DVD also comes with some coupons for Eukanuba products, so that’s cool. Frankly, I’m a little suspicious of this freebie. How am I supposed to get my dogs to watch this DVD, let alone follow along and learn what’s being taught? They have enough trouble remembering that carpet =/= bathroom. I just don’t see it happening.

Oh, what? It’s meant for me to watch? Well I guess that makes a little more sense.

[via Moose]

EDIT: Well that went fast…

Brace yourself, people. I’ve got big, nay, huge news. Put a helmet on, sit in a padded chair, and take a few shots of whiskey before you go any further. Okay, are you ready? Alright, this free Gain laundry detergent comes with – wait for it – baking soda! BAKING SODA!

What does that mean? I don’t know. Can you put this detergent in your refrigerator to keep it smelling fresh? Sure, go for it. Heck, you might even wonder what’s to stop you from buying the regular version of Gain and tossing in a little baking soda on your own. The answer? I’m gonna guess evil pixies.

EDIT: I’m getting sick of these freebies dying mere hours after I post them.

This free jar opener is a nice throwback. Growing up, I remember companies giving out rubber jar opener freebies all the time and now you hardly ever see them. I think companies forgot about the “guys who are weaklings and embarrass themselves when attempting to open a jar of pickles” demographic. They’re a key buying power. I would know, because I eat a lot of pickles.

Note: this freebie is sponsored by a drug company and requires a short survey.

Ok, I’m no geologist, but this free Sun Crystals sweetener has a weird name. Are there such things as sun crystals? Isn’t the sun a giant ball of burning hydrogen and helium? How could crystals survive there?

In fact, don’t crystals thrive in cool environments? Isn’t that why moist, cool caves are full of them? Look, I told you I’m no scientist, but I’m pretty sure somebody got something wrong over at Sun Crystals Headquarters. They probably had the short-list of names down to this, Bright Darkness, and Burning Ice.

[via Nick]