In order to get this free Olay Total Effects Anti-Aging body wash, you have to log-in or sign up with Proctor and Gamble Everyday Solutions. The body wash promises to have “7 skin benefits,” so in the interest of science¹, I’m going to try and guess all seven.

1. Dirt and grim are washed off.
2. Leaves a thin, temporary fire-resistant coating.
3. Four words: Glow in the dark!
4. With every wash, you look three days younger.
5. Contains 100% daily value of zinc, iron, and fiber – and they’re all absorbed through your skin!
6. Can burn off unwanted moles, freckles, and body hair with focused scrubbing.
7. May result in free transformation of feet into flippers!

How many do you think I got correct? Five?

You’ll be offered a few other coupons as well. I had $1 off Scope and another $1 off Downy coupons available, among others.

1. this doesn’t actually help science out at all [↩]