The New York Federal Reserve System is offering free historical figures bookmarks, but color me suspicious. If you type in “bookmark” and click “search catalog,” you get results such as Franklin Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln. I know, right, who the heck are those guys?! Furthermore, they don't even have some very obvious historical figures available.
Where's Bozo the Clown? Shouldn't Homer Simpson be an option? And I'm sorry, but not including me is a travesty. I've done plenty of things throughout history. Why, just this morning, I not only ate breakfast, but also took my dogs for a walk. Try and beat that, Benjamin Franklin – whoever the heck you are. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find my bifocals and call the local fire department. I think the library down the street caught fire thanks to a faulty circulating stove.