Now through April 30, you can request a coupon good for a free quart of Kelly-Moore paint. I plan on using mine to cover all the nicks and scrapes I've put in the walls of my living room. Or should I get the color of my bedroom? Actually, my terrible hallway is the first area my guests are introduced to…

Basically, I've always been an incredibly clumsy person. 24-year-old Goob might have drank a little too much while 34-year-old Goob takes his contacts out before bed then stumbles around running into things for at least an hour.

Virginia Slim is offering a free monogram stationary set to Hiffers aged 21 year and above. The freebie comes with 8 cards and envelopes, but I'm told the cards are completely blank. Oh come on, I have to come up with my own heartfelt notes and wishes? Next you're going to tell me I have to find my own friends and family to send these too.

AveryPRO is offering two different sample kits: HP Indigo Digital Press Products or Dry Toner Digital Press Products. I had no idea which to go with, so I did what I always do when life throws me a curveball. Closed my eyes and blindly picked something!

Some people like to keep track of all the different birds they've seen. Others enjoy marking off all 50 states license plates. However a new hobby has entered the arena: weed spotting! Just pick up this free weed alert poster, head outside, and prepare to be … well, probably bored of looking at weeds.

I'm excited for today's free poetry poster mainly for the alliteration as opposed to being a poetry fan. I'm not even sure I could name a single poet. Robbie Freeze? Amelia Ricketson? I know Edward Ellen Pope is a famous one. Oh yeah, Salt Shizman!

I guess it's never too early to start thinking about a free 2017 AARP Foundation calendar. Unless you're somehow reading this through a time machine and it's 2006 where you're at. In that case, bet you're entire life savings on St. Louis!

This freebies is only valid through the end of today, Wednesday, June 29. Also make sure you only submit the first page! The second page asks for a donation, so you can happily nope out of that page.

If you've got a small child at home or the prospect of a drunk-Goob ever visiting, you might want to pick up a free IKEA secure hardware kit. They're clearly designed for IKEA chests and drawers, but they should be simple L brackets that should work with most generic furniture as well.

They have two kits to pick from, depending on the size of your furniture, however you can pick both of them if you have a ton of potential weapons furniture.

This freebie from Aug. 2015 has returned!

If a free 5-tab set of Avery Index Maker Dividers sounds exciting to you, then you're probably either a massive nerd like me or a parent bursting with excitement over back-to-school season bemoaning the impending summer.

This freebie “includes the dividers and Easy Apply label strips,” he said as clarification to nobody.

I'm back home and set for a full day of making goofy jokes about silly freebies. What's today's first topic?

Oh. It's a free 2016 calendar from the Holocaust museum. Boy, I am not making it easy on myself, huh?

A company named Fluke might not inspire the highest of confidence, but they're giving out free thermography 2016 calendar that basically mean they're cool to look at while writing down your next doctor's appointment.

Based on the survey questions, it's apparent this freebie is meant for people working in a very specific industry. For that reason alone, I suggest not requesting this unless you really want or need it. Freebies meant for specific niches typically only have a few thousand in supply. So if you're like me and have already signed up for a dozen 2016 calendars, maybe take a pass on this. But if you still need a calendar for next year, have at it!