Free Hallmark Card

3 Free Hallmark Mahogany Cards!

Hallmark has restocked this great freebie with a million samples!

Hallmark is sending out 3 free Mahogany cards to help celebrate Black History Month! After submitting your address, you'll get a confirmation message & number on the next screen.

Don't worry, they're spreading them out so that all of us get a free 3-card pack of greeting cards. I don't know what I'd do if they sent me all one million freebies. It'd probably involve building the world's largest greet card fort on my apartment's roof.

These ship without any cost, so enter your mailing address and you're all set to get this $9 value freebie.

Last year, Hallmark gave away 3 million general greeting cards. My friends and family don't have many winter birthdays, so I went with a generic “get well soon!” card. It's nice to have them on hand for those last minute events. In fact, I keep a drawer full of them, some of which include timeless messages as “Y2K is almost here!” and “I'm glad to hear you didn't contract SARS.”

If you love this freebie, then you'd love my mom. I swear, there are more unused Hallmark cards in her house than any other object. You could combine every individual coin, light bulb, and battery and I promise you there'd still be 10 times the number of cards. I'm sure if I dug deep enough in the drawer, I could find something for National Dog Day.

Free Paso Robles Postcards

Free Paso Robles Postcards

The town of Paso Robles, CA is giving away free limited-edition postcards. Now for the unfortunate good news, bad new. The good news is Paso Robles is partially an anagram for “bloopers,” which sounds fun. Yet the bad news is Paso Robles also makes an anagram for “barless,” which sounds miserable. Use this arbitrary, pointless info however you see fit.

Postcards will begin shipping in late January. Please allow 7-10 days for mailing time. Available while supplies last.

[Thanks to Hiffer Jean for sending these in!]

Free Greeting Cards

Three Free Greeting Cards

Free Greeting Cards

The Human Rights Campaign is giving away three free greeting cards!

You're finished once you submit your mailing address on the first page. It will take you to a page asking for donations, but they aren't required in order to get this freebie.

You know, there's a small but non-zero chance that the owner of a greeting card company might read this post. If such stars have aligned, I'd like to make my pitch as a potential Greeting Card Author Prodigy. I think I'd be great at it and have included a few samples of my work below:

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Hey look over there, That cow just said moo.

That could be used as a fun road trip card. Or maybe for cow enthusiasts! But what about a more intimate card? Oh, I've got just what you need:

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Something something something, I love you!

See, I can write sweet nothings. I'll be awaiting your response and will accept payment in the form of burlap sacks stuffed with cash.

2 Free Puerto Rico’s Finest CBD Cigarettes

Free Puerto Rico's Finest CBD Cigarettes

Add these to your cart, then enter promo code FREE2CTCBDCIG and you should get 2 free Puerto Rico's Finest CBD cigarettes. I think this link should take you straight to the checkout page. All you have to do is enter your info and you should be all set!

This company gave away some CBD coffee last month and it went really fast, so I expect this offer to do the same.

So, what are these things?

2 gram joint with 200 mg CBD for each pre-roll. Packed with flower in inventory. Get a smooth smoke to induce calm and relaxation. Put your worries to rest. Share with a friend.

Free Reusable Straw

Free Reusable Metal Straw

One small way to limit the waste of disposable plastic straws is to stop using them! Like all other plastic, much of it ends up in the oceans, where it breaks down into microscopic pellets that frequently ends up in sea life. That's what we call No Good.

So, in order to help cut down on this travesty, you can get a free reusable straw made out of … paper? How are we supposed to clean a paper straw? Heck, wouldn't our beverages themselves ruin a paper straw? Am I insane?

Oh, it's made out of metal. That makes so much more sense.

[thanks to all the Hiffers who sent this in!]

Free Mike Bloomberg Matches

Free Mike Bloomberg Matches

Free Mike Bloomberg Matches


If you've enjoyed watching Mike Bloomberg light giant piles of money on fire lately with all his TV ads, then you'll love these free “You're Fired” Mike Bloomberg matches. I tried signing his campaign office up for these, so he'd get the hint, but no luck.

Free Penzys Kind Heart Pin

Free Penzeys Kind Heart Pin

Though Sunday, January 5, you can get a free Penzeys kind heart pin. I'm honestly not sure if this form will submit, as it showed up a few months ago when Penzeys first ran this promo. But it's worth a shot before the promo ends.

This deal comes around once every few months. It's primarily an in-store freebie. So if you want to guarantee to get this freebie, I'd stop by your local Penzeys to pick one up immediately.

Otherwise, I'd fill out the form and cross your fingers, like I'm doing! 🤞

Free Wildflower Bookmark

Free Wildflower Bookmark

Free Wildflower Bookmark

The Nature Conservancy of Arizona is offering free wildflower bookmarks that you can stick in a book or the ground.

Yep, you read that correctly! Not only will this bookmark keep your pages straight, but it will also sprout wildflowers if planted in soil.

I'm no scientist, but I feel like a bookmark that grows flowers is one step closer to the fabled Money Tree! With my luck, my Money Tree will only grow rubles.

Free Pint of Halo Top Ice Cream

Free Pint of Halo Top Ice Cream on Sept 22

Free Pint of Halo Top Ice Cream

Halo Top Creamery is celebrating the first day of fall by giving away a free pint of Halo Top ice cream on September 22 only. They're promoting their Pumpkin Pie flavor, but you'll be able to get any flavor you want.

The coupon will become available at 12:01 am ET on 9.22.18 and you'll have to redeem it by 11:59 pm ET that night at a local retailer.

Judging from my understanding of scripture, eating this freebie will not only be delicious, but should be enough to get you into Heaven!

This offer isn't available in CA, CO, KS, LA, NV, TN and WI. However, if you live one of those states, Halo will release a free coupon that day where you can get a non-dairy pint for free! Most companies simply write off states where local laws forbid them from giving things away, so it's nice to see Halo not leave those Hiffers out in the cold.

free united states pocket constitution

Free United States Pocket Constitution

If you're always wondering which Amendment promises no cruel and unusual punishment (it's the 8th) or which promises freedom of speech (1st) or even which promises free jelly beans on Tuesday (sadly this one hasn't been passed yet), then pick up a copy of this free United States Constitution from the ACLU.

After submitting your address, you'll get a confirmation page saying your freebie is on the way along with a donation area asking for support for the ACLU. You can close this window without entering any credit card info and you'll still get the freebie!

broken b70 keurig coffee maker

Why I’ll Never Purchase Another Keurig Coffee Maker

broken b70 keurig coffee maker

Check out my new, heavy duty paper weight!

I don't normally use HIF as a vehicle to complain. But when you take away my coffee and throw in a hearty dose of Crappy Customer Service, what you get is an exacerbated Goob who no longer gives a f*&k.

I'm a fairly smart guy. I'm a tinkerer. When something breaks, I'll at least spend a few hours trying to figure out why and fix it myself.

I also take good care of my stuff. Take my Keurig B70 coffee maker. I used distilled water to keep the pipes clean. The instructions said to Descale it by running vinegar through the machine every few months, which I always remembered to do. So you can imagine my surprise when my B70, which was purchased in July 2012, suddenly crapped out on me this month by saying NOT READY despite being powered on and full of water.

After running through all the troubleshooting steps, I turned to Google and YouTube. I learned how to put the Keurig in maintenance mode, which confirmed that the pumps were still working fine by sputtering out some cold water. Next I removed the Keurig's bottom plate to check for leaks, rust, or any water damage but found nothing wrong. I wanted to look further inside the Keurig, but every YouTube video I found practically explained that you have to break a part of the back case to get it off! What brilliant engineering!

It was around then that I realized I wasn't hearing the soft humming noise of the heating coil unit whenever I powered on the Keurig. A little more Googling revealed that there was no real easy fix for this and that I should probably just call Keurig to see what they said.

And that's when things got fun.

Keurig's Crappy Customer Service

After reaching a Keurig customer service rep and giving her my serial number, she spent a grand total of 90 seconds trying to help me. Her first solution was to open and close the Keurig's top arm.



Then she asked if I'd poked a paper clip into the k-cup needles to clear any clogs. Sadly, I'd already tried this trick to no avail, but you know things aren't off to a roaring success when jabbing a $150 machine with a paper clip makes it into your Top 3 Solutions.

Her final attempt was for me to turn the machine on and off.

…. ….

Shockingly, none of these solutions did a thing for me. Thankfully she had a final idea, which was to upsell me by offering a 20% discount on a new Keurig 2.0 machine for the low, low cost of $149.

At this point I should mention Keurig 2.0 coffee makers famously tried to DRM coffee! That's that Nerd Talk they tried to restrict which coffee you could and couldn't brew in a Keurig 2.0 maker!

The 2.0 … less-publicized feature has been getting most of the attention: the brewer’s advanced scanning system that locks out any coffee pods not bearing a special mark. It’s essentially a digital rights management system, but for coffee, and it’s proving to be the brewer’s downfall.

I can understand why an Xbox would have this technology to prevent kids from using Playstation games on it. But a coffee maker?! Sorry Keurig, but I'm not spending $150 on a machine that'll only brew the coffee you choose and will before the next Olympics when I can pick up a $12 Black & Decker drip machine on Amazon. (Imagine if Black & Decker tried to tell you which screws you could or couldn't use with their power drills. That's literally what Keurig tried and failed to do with their DRM 2.0 machines……..)

Look, I know electronics and consumer goods fail. It's the nature of Stuff. But I don't think it's insane to expect a $100+ device to last at least as long as a World Cup title. My monitor cost ~$150 5 years ago and it's still kicking just fine. If it was to break, I could either attempt to fix it or buy a similarly priced new one with far better specs, bells, and features. The same can be said for my window a/c, vacuum, microwave, bedroom TV and that's all just off the top of my head.

But in Keurig's case, they 1) make it incredibly hard for DIY people like me to attempt a fix along with 2) trying to upsell me a new $150 unit with weird DRM licenses and no other upgrades after just a few minutes of support. As a consumer, I find that a bit asinine.

K-cup technology is great and all, but Keurig's idea of support is a freaking joke. And that's why I'll never purchase a Keurig coffee maker again.