Mercury Magazines has free subscriptions to Oprah's O magazine, the only magazine title that sounds as if it were just startled. That is unless you happen to frequently scream “REDBOOK!” when walking through haunted houses.
For occupation, you can select “Other” then “Homemaker” via Industry. Also you don't have to do anything else once you've submitting your mailing address. There are a bunch of “offers” that show up on the confirmation page – you can just skip those and close the window.
