I'm already a subscriber, so I guess I shouldn't register for this free Popular Science magazine subscription. Instead, I'll sign up my brother under the same bogus name we always use when secretly communicating with each other: Kaiser Shyzer. It's like our version of Art Vandelay.
Although it's dawning on me now that the name probably isn't so secret anymore. Do me a favor and pretend you didn't read any of this. Phew, that's was close. Crises: Averted.