Freebies and free stuff

EDIT: Well that died quickly. Sorry for leaving it up longer than normal. I was taking an unscheduled medication-induced dream.

Guess what’s back! The free Kraftmaid Kitchen Idea Book is here for a few hours today. It’s almost like a game for me to see if I can find it and post it each month before it quickly dies. This will mark the fourth month in a row that I managed to track it down, which is by far a personal best. I doubt there’s a world record, but dang it, there should be. Heck, finding freebies should be in the Olympics if you ask me! If golf and rhythmic gymnastics can earn people gold medals, I don’t see why I shouldn’t have a few hanging around my neck!

Every October it seems like a bazillion free calendar offers appear (free Joyce Meyer 2010 calendar, anyone?) and yet only two or three ever show up. Sure, that may be enough for most people, but I need at least a dozen calendars. I figure one per wall in each of the three rooms I spend most of my time in should balance out my horrible memory capacity. It’s so bad that…wait, where am I? Who the heck are you people?!*

* I’m almost certain I’ve made that joke before and yet I can’t remember when! See, I’m not kidding, my memory is horrendous!

The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services is giving away free 2010 calendars in either English or Spanish. I picked up a Spanish version for fun before remembering that being confused in a foreign language really isn’t that fun. The last time I was in South America, I spent 20 minutes trying to pay for a subway ticket while the man behind the counter kept screaming “gratis, gratis!”

Long story short, I walked home that evening.

[via the forums]

It’s early autumn, a free New Yorker 2010 calendar is available, and yet it’s 9 million degrees outside.¹ Something doesn’t quite add up. Not that I’m complaining though! I loathe winter almost as much as I do green beans or El Niño. It’s just – and I’m no scientist – but shouldn’t the weather be getting colder? I’m starting to think “global warming” might be a tame term. I vote we change it to “global it’s so hot outside I’m not going to bother with pants.” It just rolls off the tongue.

1. Plus or minus 8,999,910 degrees. [↩]

EDIT: They’ve closed the offer now, so I guess if you signed up earlier, that means you’re going to get the freebie!

You can tell it’s late in the day when you see this free Bounce Dryer Bar offer and start to wonder if it has alcohol in it. I believe it’s time to close this laptop and retire to the back porch with a new episode of The Bugle and some whiskey. And to think people complain that there’s nothing to do on Tuesday nights!

The freebie is from Viewpoints and unfortunately they don’t say if or how many freebies are still available. I hate when companies don’t let you know if the offer is valid or not, but oh well, I’m just a mere blogger who has no influence whatsoever with these companies. Or DO I?!¹ MWAHAHA!

1. Let’s see…oh, no, I don’t [↩]

You know Christmas is closer than you realize when the free calendar offers start popping up, such as this free 2010 Wildlife calendar. I’ve noticed that calendar freebies are like t-shirts – one in ten arrive and chances are it’s a size too big or year too late. If a 2009 calendar arrived on my doorstep tomorrow, I’d be the 19th most surprising thing of my day. And I lead a pretty uneventful life, so that’s saying a lot.

EDIT: And they’re gone for the month!

The free Kraftmaid Kitchen Idea Book is back for a few hours today, but frankly, I would appreciate it more if Kraft just send me a maid. My sink apparently won’t clean my dishes for me. I could have sworn that was a right guaranteed in the Bill of Rights or 10 Commandments or something. Thou’s sink shall cleanse thy eating utensils nightly. Otherwise, thou shall be entitled to a free house-cleaner.

Yep, sounds right to me.

To get the book, you have to click “Request Idea Book” at the top of the page.

While at the beach this summer, I could have used this free Ready to Read bookmark. After finishing a chapter, I wanted to go take a dip in the ocean but didn’t have a bookmark. I started to dog ear the page, but then came up the ingenious plan to make a bookmark! I grabbed a handful of sand, mashed it together tightly, and stuck it in the book.

Yeah, that didn’t work.

You’ll want to click “Online Order Form” at the bottom of the page and then simply enter your info. There are some extra fields on the form that aren’t necessary, so don’t fret.

It took me 24 hours to realize I’d uploaded the wrong Sharpie coupon to the School Supply Deals post I made yesterday. My bad, folks! They don’t call me Goob for nothing.

The proper offer is a $0.01 Single Sharpies coupon from Office Max that is available until August 8th, 2009

EDIT: Looks like they hit their cap around 5pm EST today. Until next month!

These free Kraftmaid Kitchen Idea Books usually only last a few hours each month. Back in May it lasted until dinner time and by last month, it lasted probably 2 hours. It’s basically a huge book and ideas to remodel your kitchen or house, so if you’re in the market for that kind of thing, check it out. I’m still not looking to remodel my home, but it can never hurt to have a massive book for bonfire kindling lying around!

Its hard to believe that today’s August 1st. I mean, seriously, where has this year gone? One year ago today, I had just moved in with my in-laws for a half a month before moving half-way across the country. And if you were to ask me where I thought I’d be a year ago? I certainly wouldn’t have told you that I’d be doing what I’m doing now. Thankfully, I’ve got my trusty Majestic Mountains calendar to keep track of my work schedule and all of those other wonderful things!

But when that runs out in 4 more months, well, I hope that this free Annies 2010 calendar does the job. Yup, I just needed to give them the UPC from a Mac & Cheese box (013562302109) and tell them that I bought that box today (08/01/09) or later, and I’ll be keeping track of my next year on a calendar with bunnies and noodles.

EDIT: This freebie is no longer available.

As I sit here, slowly drinking more to try to make sense of all of my reports and numbers from work, I find myself really trying hard to not spill my beer. Blasphemy, you know?

Needless to say, that’s why I’d need this free Viva paper towel sample. For all of the nights when I find myself pouring over numbers it never hurts to have something else other than extra copies I don’t need to mop up my messes…

EDIT: Well geez, that went quick. I’ll be sure to post this as soon as I can on August 1st, which is when it’ll come back from the dead.

Did anybody else get the free Kraftmaid Kitchen Idea Book I posted back in May? The thing is freaking huge! I’m not even looking to remodel any of my home, I just want another copy to use as an impromptu weapon / kindling for fire / partner for a see-saw.

This freebie usually shows up on the first of every month and dies before the day is over.

Sign #283 that makes it abundantly clear I’m a single male with no children: Upon seeing this free baby calendar offer, I asked myself why a baby would need a calendar. I then was sucked into further futile pondering when I acquiesced that even if a baby needed a calendar to keep track of all his or her important meetings, how would that differ from a regular calendar? Wouldn’t you just say “free calendar” and then hand it to the baby?

It’s times like these I wonder how much lead paint I ate as a kid.

Comcast, in their infinite wisdom, decided to do me a favor and kill my internet all day. Because hey, who needs the Internet when you blog about things found on the web? … Hopefully most of you remembered that this free Glidden paint offer was today. I’m not sure if it’ll still be up tomorrow, but I guess we’ll find out soon enough!