Goob 
If you ever needed proof that I’m still a little boy at heart (though I’d be worried if you actually did need such proof), then look no further than the fact that I can’t say Schlotzsky’s birthday freebie without giggling like an idiot. Schlotzsky’s isn’t even a dirty word! It …
Dear Giant Faceless Global Conglomerates, Hi, I’m Goob. You may remember me from such internal memos as “this loser keeps making fun of our dog perfume” and “does anyone know if we still have that hitman on retainer?” I’m here to ask that you, for the sake of my sanity, …
The Jack in the Box birthday freebie recently got an upgrade from a free dessert to 2 free tacos with any purchase! I’m all for free sugar, but free tacos has it beat!
I used to like watching House. There was something cool about all of the medical diagnosis that they’d have and how if you tweaked one thing or another, it was something completely different. It was like watching a mad scientist at play. So add that mad science to the kitchen …
I never enjoyed a Texas Roadhouse birthday freebie despite there being a location right down the street from where I grew up. The reason? I was 20 before I learned “outhouse” and “roadhouse” didn’t mean the same thing. That ringing sound you hear is my alma mater calling to inform …
While getting your Fazoli’s birthday freebie, you may find the urge to ask the employees what exactly is a Fazoli. You must fight this temptation. I speak from experience when I say they won’t know and will instead look at you strangely when you start stamping your foot and demanding …
I like to think of myself as a connoisseur of delicious food. I can smell a taco from a mile away and nothing wakes me up in the morning like a ultra-large milkshake. Yet, I must confess, I never thought of combining the two. Until I saw the Del Taco …
I hate to say it, but Fuddruckers is one of those places that seemed a lot better when I was younger and stupider. Well maybe just younger; I’m still an idiot today. But even though I’ve soured on their minuscular portions, it’s hard for me to turn down a Fuddruckers …
Well, I guess they can’t all be winners. Wendy’s birthday freebie is a mere dollar off a premium combo. No word if they also include a free candle on your sandwich. I hope so, though, because you don’t see wax offered as a topping much these days.
Edit: The old email used to say “we don’t sing, we saute,” which they don’t say in the new app you need to use. That’s a vital piece of info for the joke below to make sense 🙂 I disagree with the message associated with Noodles & Company’s birthday freebie. …
Today’s birthday series post is for Abuelo’s birthday freebie, which is a free dessert. I figured I should get a smaller restaurant in here since not everybody eats at large chains. It’s also reassuring to get visual confirmation that the dessert comes on a plate and not on the waitstaff’s …
I thought about burying this Waffle House birthday freebie or maybe not telling the story, but to heck with it. After a night out, I took the above coupon into a Waffle House and politely asked for my free raisin toast. Everybody there (friends, staff, creepy guys at the bar) …
The American Red Cross is waiving their usual $25 fee and offering free CPR classes on Saturday, March 19. There are over 100 participating locations, but be sure to check the map on their site because they’re randomly scattered across the country. My nearby branch isn’t participating, so looks like …
Now this is how you do a birthday offer! Not sure what Ted’s Montana Grill birthday freebie is? Boom, two sentences tell you it’s a free cookie and ice cream dessert! Not sure what that entails? Shazaam, there’s a picture! My only criticism is the closing sentence. Keep it for …
Boooo Dairy Queen! You probably saw the image above and immediately thought that Dairy Queen’s birthday freebie was a free Blizzard. But then after three clicks and a printed coupon you find out that it’s just a $3 off sheet cake and BOGO Blizzard drink offer. Those sneaky punks. If …