I always have trouble writing a post about something like these free VCF contraceptive films. I'm not even qualified to use one of these things, much less write something witty about them. Remember the scene in 40 Year Old Virgin where Steve Carell had absolutely no idea what to do with the condoms? Yep, that's me right there.

Ladies, the line forms to the left! Single file, please!

[Thanks to Hiffer Kate for the reminder on this!]

If you don't mind going on a little link hunt, you can get a free NeilMed Sinus Rinse bottle kit. Simply click through to where it requests your name and pick “p1886b” from the dropdown list. After that, you'll be presented with 17 “slides,” which you don't have to read and can quickly skip through. You'll then be presented with a signup form and finally, a “quiz” where you have to get 18 out of 20 questions correct.

The quiz scores you in real time though! So you can click randomly until you get the correct answer. All in all it should only take a few minutes.

Free Printable Allergy Coupons

And if NeilMed isn't your allergy solution of choice, I was able to find these Allegra & Claritin allergy coupons.

• $4/1 Allegra 24HR 24ct or larger or any Allegra-D product
• $4/1 Non-Drowsy Claritin-D Product (30ct or larger)
• $4/1 Non-Drowsy Claritin-D Liqui-Gels Product (30ct or larger)
• $8/1 Non-Drowsy Claritin-D Liqui-Gels Product (60ct or larger) OR Tablet (70ct or larger)
• $4/1 Non-Drowsy Claritin RediTabs Allergy Product (30ct or larger)

While on vacation last month, a buddy of mine ate some pine nuts and things got dicey for a hot minute. He was fine, but we got to talking about how expensive EpiPens had become. For some, it's gotten to the point where this life-saving measure to allergic reactions has been priced out of their budget, which blew my mind.

Apparently the Freebie Gods weren't too pleased either! Today I stumbled across this free Auvi-Q epinephrine injection offer where you can get the shot for free as long as you meet the following criteria.

• Be a legal US resident.
• Not have any government or commercial drug coverage.
• Are currently covered under health insurance.

OR

• If you do not have health insurance, have an annual household income of less than $100,000.

If you believe you qualify, print out this enrollment form and take it with you to your next doctor's visit.

Free Drug Card

All you have to do is print out a free drug card and take it to any participating pharmacist (CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, Costco, most grocery chains, and thousands of independent retailers) to get a free discount on your prescription drugs.

You can even print out a free pet drug card! 🐶 🙀

I'll write a longer post on this soon, but most savings are anywhere in the 10-30% range with some drugs going as high as 85%! That should tell us all we need to know about some drug's markups, but I digress…

Again, this is only for Hiffers without health insurance, but it's 100% free and all you have to do is print out a card at home or use the mobile app!

It's time for the annual reminder about these classic two free Breathe Right nasal strips. These suckers have been around for so long that I think we should induct them into the Freebie Hall of Fame.

Don't get too excited though, it's not as prestigious as it sounds. It's basically a space on my bookcase where I needed some color. It sits right between a broken clock and an old t-ball trophy. I was the only kid not to punch a teammate that year!

I never learn what happens if you wear ten Breathe Right's at once? Does that give you ten times the amount of oxygen you'd normally get? Don't worry, I plan on testing this out in the interest of science / filling a lazy Thursday afternoon.

Free Breathe Right Coupon

Breathe Right also gives away free coupons which you can stack with the free coupons that come alongside the freebie!

[thanks to everyone who has sent this in over the past few months!]

Okay, Freebie Gods, very funny. I freely admit I plan on ingesting my weight in beer 🍺 and brats 🌭 on the Fourth of July. Even so, this free 3 day pass to 24 Hour Fitness is a little too on the nose.

I like the idea of 24 hour gyms though. I find the only time I feel like working out is when I'm delusionary drunk at 4am.