We've all been there. You're checking out with a million items, the kids are fighting over Frosted Chocolate Flakes or Cocoa Sugar Squares, and is there even a bottle of wine left in the rack at home?

Then what happens when you get ready to pay? The dang register rejects that $0.50 coupon you planned to use! What now?!

1. Cry. Seriously, how is this not your go-to move? Cry, wail, let the river of snot flow as you curl into a fetal position in front of the register and moan to your deity of choice how life is unfair. This should solve 80% of situations.
2. Scream. Crying didn't work? Well then, it's on to causing a scene! Get angry! Demand to see the manager. Start throwing things! There's always candy bars within arm's reach. Go for a Snickers, those condensed peanuts pack a wallop.
3. Cut a deal. Okay, violence won't get your anywhere. Let me guess, the checkout person looks to still be in high school, right? Slip them a $20! Heck, grab a pack of cigarettes and some Mike's Hard Lemonade and ask which car is theirs. If those items just happened to end up in their trunk, well…just make sure there aren't any security cameras in the parking lot.
4. Give up. You're right, bribing minors with illegal goods probably isn't the smartest idea in the world. Thanks, Dr. Nerdburger. Fine, you have any better ideas?! If nothing has worked at this point, then you might be screwed. Looks like you won't be saving a Kennedy and you know what that means? You're half a dollar closer to being broke and on the street. Way to go, Parent of the Year over here.
5. Gain inner peace. Ahhh, what the hell, right? We're talking about half the price of a Redbox after all. Accept the fact that it's just not meant to be and move on. Though grabbing another bottle of wine probably isn't a bad idea. Just in case.

Of course, I'm no lawyer, so you probably shouldn't take any of this advice to heart nor act on it.

I first posted this in December 2010, but with so many changes to Facebook since then I thought it was time to update and repost it.

LAST UPDATED: 08-15-2013

The most frequent question I get is “Goob, how do you stay so fit and handsome?” To which I reply, “please, please, let's just talk about freebies.” The second most frequent question pertains to Facebook freebies. In order to get them, you have to like a company and/or add their application to your profile. However, what happens after signing up? The company hopes you'll move along on your merry way and forget all about unliking them or deleting the application. But that's not how we Hiffers roll.

Make A Dummy Account

First off, people complain about having to like a company. I understand that, as I don't really like Emergen-C or Ritz or Burt's Bees enough to “like” them on my personal Facebook account. So you know what I did? I used my freebie email address to make a second, fake Facebook account. I didn't add any friends to it, I used a fake name, and I snagged a random picture off Google Images to use as my profile image. It's what I suggest people do and I've had no trouble with it so far.

View All Your Pages & Easily Dislike

One of the big problems now is it's hard to see all of the pages you like. But not impossible. The first step is going to your Facebook Newsfeed, finding Pages on the left column, and hovering to the right in order to see a blue More link. Click it.

Now click the Create A Page button then Pages I Like.

Now you can see every page you've liked and quickly unlike any that you so desire.

Unlike A Single Facebook Page

But let's say you've already liked a certain page and want to just take care of it. If that's the case, go any specific page that you want to unlike. Let's go with Mucinex. Once there, look for a box near the top right that says Liked with a check mark. Hover over it and you'll be able to unlike that page. You will no longer like the Facebook page and it won't show up in your news feed or on your profile.

Delete A Facebook Application

Now what about those apps that want to access your Facebook info or post info on your own wall? To delete those, go to the top right of any page and click the down arrow -> Privacy Settings.

Once this page loads, you'll want to look on the left sidebar for Apps.

Now you'll see a bunch of options here, but you'll first want to click the tiny “Show All Apps” link and then go through them all. You can edit their settings or delete them outright with the X.

And that should do it. Hopefully this helps a few Hiffers out there in cleaning up their Facebook accounts while also still being able to get Facebook freebies.

Remember, if you make a Facebook account only for freebies, like I suggested earlier, then there's no real reason to Unlike or delete any of the profile apps as there isn't any information for them to access in the first place!

Questions? Comments? Insults? Fire away in the comments below.

If you're a longtime reader of coupon, freebie, or deal blogs then you've seen the image above. You at least recognize the model. Chances are you've seen her more times than you've seen yourself in a mirror.

Long story short I got bored tonight and fell down the istock rabbit hole. If you view any of her photos, you'll see a link titled “Click here to view more images in the series: female40 model.” Thus we can safely conclude her name is female40 model, or F40M to her friends.

F40M is also super proud of accomplishing rudimentary tasks.

You may have noticed that she's wearing a different shirt in that last photos. That's because she has quite an array of photos spanning all sorts of “activities.”

The checkout guy is now buying flowers with her. And she's wearing the same shirt as when she bought groceries. F40M moves fast.

Of course, she's not the only coupon chick you see around.

Speaking of coupon fraud, most of the coupons in the pictures below are the same. I'd totally watch a hybrid of COPS and Extreme Couponing. TLC, call me.

However none of those are my favorite stock coupon image. The runner up is:

I don't know why that shows up when you search for “coupons” on a stock image site, but just look at her. Who gets that blissful picking breakfast snacks? There is totally another plain of emotions we're not privy to at work here.

But the current reigning champion?

The actual title of the above image is “FREEDOM!” When will people realize children peeing in the middle of the pasta aisle is no laughing matter?

For the record, this is the kind of stuff I do when bored. 😀 I love that the only category I can place this in is “HIF Exclusive.”

Facebook changed stuff recently and now some people are having trouble seeing our Facebook updates on their homepage. Hey, don't look at me! Zuckerberg screwed things up.

Facebook Lists for Freebies

First, let's talk about Facebook Lists. They're a new feature and they're awesome. You can create lists and add certain people and pages to them. Family and Close Friends are no-brainer types of lists, but why not make a freebies list?

To start, go to the Facebook homepage and you'll notice that your lefthand sidebar should look something like this. Click the “more” link next to Lists.

Click here to keep reading this guide

Dear Giant Faceless Global Conglomerates,

Hi, I'm Goob. You may remember me from such internal memos as “this loser keeps making fun of our dog perfume” and “does anyone know if we still have that hitman on retainer?” I'm here to ask that you, for the sake of my sanity, please stop announcing future freebie giveaways. Why? Because you screw them up.

Here's an idea: release a freebie then tip off a few bloggers. Seriously, it's that easy. Hit me up. I'll gladly put you in touch with two dozen of the biggest freebie bloggers who would love to share your offer with our combined billions of readers. ((margin of error: +/- a few billion.)) We're all nice guys and gals who, myself excluded, ((I'm still going to mock you as long as you insist on botching these giveaways and branding your products with stupid names.)) would be happy to write about your freebies with nary a negative comment. Plus think how nice it would be if your site wasn't constantly down thanks to a deluge of people sent all at once!

I'm sure my withered olive branch won't be enough for some companies though. You want your giveaways to be “events!” You want to reward your Facebook fans for proclaiming to the world “I LOVE DEODORANT!” I get it. So how about this – give your IT guy a heads up. Take it from a fellow hunk poindexter, he won't wet his pants and cry when you tell him there are going to be an extra 25,000 people on your site at noon tomorrow. He'll beef up the system and, surprise surprise, your damn site won't crash!

I had a company once ask if I'd like to help consult for their upcoming series of giveaways. I don't think I best expressed my flattery when I laughed and said “just make sure you have enough #$@*ing servers to handle the surge of traffic.” Guess what they didn't do. o_O

So, in conclusion, stop wasting my readers time and start listening to me.

Forever Yours,

Goob