We've all been there. You're checking out with a million items, the kids are fighting over Frosted Chocolate Flakes or Cocoa Sugar Squares, and is there even a bottle of wine left in the rack at home?
Then what happens when you get ready to pay? The dang register rejects that $0.50 coupon you planned to use! What now?!
- Cry. Seriously, how is this not your go-to move? Cry, wail, let the river of snot flow as you curl into a fetal position in front of the register and moan to your deity of choice how life is unfair. This should solve 80% of situations.
- Scream. Crying didn't work? Well then, it's on to causing a scene! Get angry! Demand to see the manager. Start throwing things! There's always candy bars within arm's reach. Go for a Snickers, those condensed peanuts pack a wallop.
- Cut a deal. Okay, violence won't get your anywhere. Let me guess, the checkout person looks to still be in high school, right? Slip them a $20! Heck, grab a pack of cigarettes and some Mike's Hard Lemonade and ask which car is theirs. If those items just happened to end up in their trunk, well…just make sure there aren't any security cameras in the parking lot.
- Give up. You're right, bribing minors with illegal goods probably isn't the smartest idea in the world. Thanks, Dr. Nerdburger. Fine, you have any better ideas?! If nothing has worked at this point, then you might be screwed. Looks like you won't be saving a Kennedy and you know what that means? You're half a dollar closer to being broke and on the street. Way to go, Parent of the Year over here.
- Gain inner peace. Ahhh, what the hell, right? We're talking about half the price of a Redbox after all. Accept the fact that it's just not meant to be and move on. Though grabbing another bottle of wine probably isn't a bad idea. Just in case.
Of course, I'm no lawyer, so you probably shouldn't take any of this advice to heart nor act on it.10